White Out

Months went by, and life continued as normal. Catherine and I proudly wore our engagement rings for the world to see, continuing to make plans and saving up.  But she still avoided forests (and any wooded area) and playgrounds like the plague with no real reason.

Sometimes Catherine would not return home for long hours after her shift at work without explaination, and Mr. Moore called more than once to see if she was with me or anyone else, as he could not reach Catherine by phone. But each time she would come home as if nothing happened, confused as to why we were all nervous. She told us that we had absolutely nothing to worry about. One thing you should know about Catherine: she never lied. Ever. So we all believed her.

One cold night we decided to go somewhere nice to eat, since we thought that it would be good to get out of our respective houses. We decided on a new German restaurant that opened up near us.

An old woman, so old we thought she would fall apart at any second, gently grabbed Catherine's sleeve and asked politely if she could have a sip of water. The poor woman was without any money, and she had been thirsty all day. With a smile Catherine gave her the entire water bottle. She drank it down in what seemed like a single gulp. The old woman tossed the bottle into the nearest garbage can and thanked my fiance many, many times as she hobbled away. We never saw that woman again.

That Christmas my family came over to our house to celebrate. Nothing unusual happened at all that night, but I did see Catherine look through the windows once or twice. My gift to her that year was a purple floral headband, her gift to me was a necklace.

The day after a heavy blizzard came in and covered our world with pure white. That was pretty much the sign that the time had come for an epic snowball fight. The roads, however, were far too dangerous for any of my friends to come by, so I instead played with my brother. He won, in case you were wondering.

Later in the week, Catherine texted me to go take a walk with her in the snow, which I of course agreed to. As we walked down the street, we talked about where she had been and what she had been doing. Catherine confessed that she had been looking for an apartment for us to rent out and had been doing research on where we could go for our honeymoon. It was supposed to be a surprise, she said.

That still doesn't explain why she hated forests and playgrounds. And not soon after our walk she began to dislike snow. No matter how much I tried to get her to open up and talk to me about these new fears, she refused. Even when I told her that I wouldn't judge or make rash assumptions. Catherine's parents, when they questioned her, had the same amount of luck as I did.  I don't know what else I could've done to ease her fears. If she was nervous about the upcoming wedding, she never said anything. Catherine was never the one to hold feelings in.

The Beginning

Everything was going smoothly for the most part. We were saving up money left and right, from Catherine's job working at a waitress and me...well, I was a full time student. No one was hiring, and I had to stick to going to school, since I was doing very, very well in my classes. When I approached Catherine about working part time with her, she said that she could handle it for the time being, but mentioned that me working with her over the summer would be a good idea.

A few months went by, and come the cooler months and we kept what we had to have and scrapping anything superfluous. We decided that going to California to get married wasn't needed; since we had closer alternatives, like Vermont or even Washington DC. So the idea of going to California was discarded.

After much discussion on the topic of surnames, Catherine decided to take on my own, citing that she always thought it was pretty and very romantic. Even better, we thought it would be really neat to put up a YouTube channel under the name of 'Rose Valley' as a video log of our lives together. It would serve as a virtual memory book for all our friends and family.

But...

In all honesty, I can't really pinpoint when things started to go in a strange direction, or how I started to notice. I just did. Suddenly Catherine began to exhibit strange new characteristics, some of them so subtle you wouldn't even notice, no matter how long you had known her. I feel like such a fool for not seeing it all sooner.

I can remember one day where Naomi took us all out to the park woods for some time together, and for her to sketch some trees. Everyone else, including myself, had no problem with it, as we always loved taking long walks along the paths. Catherine, however, stopped dead in her tracks and refused to go inside. She said that her legs hurt from walking around campus and wanted to stay near the playground. So she and I remained on the swings talking about how wonderful out lives with be and what we were going to do. Catherine said she wanted a little playground for our children, which I thought was a cute idea.

Catherine never went into any sort of forest again, not even the place where we walked on our anniversary. She always came up with some excuse to not venture in, and soon she didn't even like playgrounds anymore. But none of these new dislikes were in your face, and she remained my wonderful fiance Catherine.
But she used to love forests...what happened?

Announcing

The first people we told were our friends and parents, who were over the moon. But for our extended family, we wanted to surprise them. At a get together that my aunt had for my side of the family, we decided to tell them through being sutble and letting them find out for themselves. I used my left hand to hand out an apple to my Aunt Geralyn, and she let out a scream of joy. My family was informed, and I will be honest: there were some mixed responses with the announcement. Some were happy while other were doubtful that we would be able to do it.

Catherine's family was next, and she told them the same way I did at her uncle's birthday party; she extended her left hand to get some ambrosia salad, and they all knew. They were very, very excited for the both of us. However, her cousin Bradley took her aside and told her that us getting married here and now wouldn't be possible, unless we hightail it to California.

Screw the government. We were going to be married, law and society be damned.

We already had designs for our wedding gowns, courtesy of Naomi, who drew them up. We picked a date in June 2012, two years from then, in which we would invite our dear friends and family members to. The colors we were to use were light pink and lavender, and the flowers were to be roses and lilacs. The wedding would be wonderful, sunny, a dream come true.

...I remember now. Things started to go downhill from here.

22 Years Old

Happy birthday to me. We are planning on going out tonight to celebrate, and maybe I will have a drink or so. That and staring at my phone hoping to God above me that Catherine might call or text. I don't know why I keep fantasizing about that. It's been seven months since she left and there has been nothing but silence on her end. I don't know where she is and I don't even know if she is alive.

Catherine, if you are out there, please let me know. I love you.

The Proposal

On May 20, 2010, I came home from grocery shopping not feeling well at all. I don't know if I was coming down with a cold or just had a bad head and body ache, but it was amazingly draining. Catherine already was at my house waiting for me, reading a book on Celtic folklore, a favorite subject of hers, to pass the time. She noticed my condition and told me to get some rest.

I went upstairs, got into my sleepwear, and flopped under the covers to rest. Catherine was downstairs, doing Heaven knows what in the kitchen. My first guess was that she was cleaning up, or maybe taking after Rebecca and reorganizing things to look better. I closed my eyes and allowed a sweet but shallow slumber to take me.
A while later Catherine knocked on my door, waited until I asked her to come in, and saw her with a freshly baked butter cake. Catherine told me that she made it to help cheer me up, which I desperately needed. As she handed me the fork and was about to dig in, I saw a single object that would change my life: planted in the middle for me to see, was a gold ring with three small clear stones in them.
She took my hand and said those special four words, "Will you marry me?"

All too happily, I accepted.

I'm still wearing that ring...and right now, I am hoping so is Catherine, wherever she is.

Anniversaries

Our first anniversary wasn't anything special; we stayed at her house, ate ice cream and watched a few movies. I don't care what anyone says: Moulin Rouge was one of the best movies ever made. In inspired Catherine to make a themed restaurant based on the actually place itself. People would have come around from everywhere just to go there, had she done it.

Our second anniversary we spent with our friends. Music, dancing, movies, even baking treats for us to enjoy now and later. We played some video games, too. So in the end it was a pretty sweet party.

Our third was essential us taking a walk through these really nice woods, not the creepy ones near my old house, from which I long since moved out of. It was these other woods, in a park that we played in when were were little girls. It was the afternoon, and we were walking hand in had on a path that we just found. It was very romantic. Along the way, a beautiful deer scampered right past us and into another part of the forest. We just stood there and marveled at our luck to see that shy an animal that close. As we walked further, a fox scurried across our path and seemingly in the same direction of the deer.

I nudged Catherine and said, "They're all out for our anniversary." She laughed and we kept walking. Finally, Near the end of the path, we saw a crow pecking at something we couldn't see. As we got closer and closer, the crow stopped what it was doing and stared us down. Even as we walked past it, it didn't move, just glared at us. When it deemed us far enough, the crow continued its pecking. Odd.
We went back to my house and talked about the animals, then went out to a Japanese restaurant. The girls mentioned that it was beyond strange, bordering on eerie. Naomi put it best: "spooky creepy."

Our other anniversaries weren't anything special; just us being together and exchanging presents. I got her a lavendar diary one year, since that is her favorite color and she needed it. She got me a really pretty rose brooch, which I love to death. We did love doting on each other.

The Start of Our Relationship and the People Who Did(n't) Like It.

You couldn't find a happier couple on the planet, I will tell you that. Catherine and I complemented each other so well, as if we were made for one another.
We never fought; just had debates and minor misundersandings. Never once did we jump to conclusions or fly off the handle and pointed fingers. All we did was sit and talk. That was one of our strong points: our willingness to find a middle ground. And once everything was sorted out, we made sure to learn from what we had just discussed.

I remember our first date at a nice restaurant. Okay, it was a pizza joint. We sat down at our table and ordered some drinks, holding hands and just talking. Everything was going fine until a couple next to us felt uncomfortable and demanded that they have their table changed. Catherine and I weren't doing anything over the top, mind you. We weren't making out right there and then, just holding hands on the table and saying sweet things. The looks those two gave us were the nastiest we have ever gotten. Then I heard the woman say that we were (you guessed it!) going to burn for the sin of sodomy. I kid you all not. I wish to God almighty above us all that I was joking. It didn't ruin our night, but it made us think. For a while we theorized about homophobia, what the root of it is and why it prevails.

So our date wsn't a total bust.
At school we kept our relationship under wraps; to anyone else we were just the best of friends. It was a smart move on our part, really; kids can be very cruel. But no matter how well you think you are keeping a secret, a few people figure it out. I should have expected it, really. But nothing prepares you for the day that you're called a bunch of derogatory names to your face. It hurt, it really did. Luckily for us, we had a support system: our friends and family. Without them, I don't think we would have survived it all. As we all went from grade to grade, they found better things to do with their time than pick on people. I ddin't know how much longer I had to take being called a dyke for the 1,000,000,000 time.

But as you know, adversity either makes or breaks people and their relationships. All of that made us stronger people. I can take on anything after that ordeal.

The six of us made such a wonderful group, bound together tighter than sisters. From study sessions to just plain goofing off, there was no other people I would rather be with. No one at all.

Realizations

So as you can see, my schooling and life was ordinary, nothing exceptional. Elementary school was very good, full of fun activities and teachers that were enthusiastic about teaching. Middle school was also very good. A few pitfalls here and there, but nothing I couldn't pick myself up from.

By the time I reached middle school I knew for a fact that I was different. I never found myself attracted to any boys, and most of my time was spent with my friends. Friday and Saturday nights were typically either me studying or hanging out with my friends. I didn't mind; honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. That's not to say I wasn't asked out by some of my male friends. I politely declined all of them.

The moment of truth came after a study session with me and Catherine. For a while I had a crush on her, but I didn't know if she would reciprocate. If she didn't, then I was more than content to stay her friend. I never heard her remark about boys, or even other girls for that matter.
Were were on the couch, holding hands and watching a movie. It was a film adaptation of a short horror novella, the name if which I can't remember. At some point during the movie, we turned to each other and...well, we kissed. After the first time, we kissed often throughout the movie. After she left to go home, I realized that I was indeed a lesbian. I knew that it wasn't fleeing; it was here to stay. It was who I was.

The first people I told were my friends, who were completely supportive of me. Vivian told me to go pursue my feelings and not hold back, even for a moment.

However, I waited a bit to tell my parents. I knew that they would've probably told me that I was too young to think like that. I was only 13-14 years old at the time. That reaction was completely understandable.

And when I finally did tell them? They were so chill and so accepting. No judgement, no shaming. Just accepting me for who I was. Even my little brother Tommy didn't give me any hell. He just hugged me and said that it was okay. I was so happy. Catherine's mother and father already knew, and had long accepted her as well. So luckily for us, there was no drama. Well, except for my grandmother on my dad's side. She said that I was going to hell if I didn't change my ways. It wasn't until I started college that she relented. I still don't think she likes me, though.

Catherine and I talked for a long time about our feelings, and the summer was filled with us hanging out, almost always together. Were weren't 'dating' in the traditional sense just yet. Come to think of it, I don't know why we waited so long. We both knew what we wanted, but maybe it was just us celebrating our final summer as only 'best friends'. But come 9th grade, Catherine and I were officially official.

Just talking about this makes me cry. I miss her so badly. I wish I could've done something. But now, I think it's just too late.