Anxiety

I had a severe anxiety attack on June 11, the day Catherine and I were to be married a year ago. I didn't have to go to the hospital or anything, but it was like nothing I've ever had before. I was just sitting on my bed when suddenly I couldn't breath. My entire body as shaking and I felt like I was going to collapse. There was this weird feeling of being overheated and frozen at the same time.

It lasted for nine minutes, which to me felt like a never ending hell. After I finally calmed down I got myself a glass of water and listened to some soothing music, which helped a ton. Even though it was three days ago, it still haunts me. I honestly felt like I was going to die.

Happy Birthday, Vivian!

Hey, girl! I hope that you liked the new CDs we all got you. We all pitched it to get your favorites. And we loved the mix tape you made. You're going places!

I didn't update for my birthday due to the fact that nothing of note happened. I hung out with my girls and did the usual birthday stuff. It was fun. The feeling that I spoke about before didn't quite go away, but it has ebbed. I haven't been updating because I feel I have said everything about this subject as I can.

One thing that really spooked me, though, was on May 19. I was sitting on a park bench, just playing with my phone, when I got this terrible sensation of dread and sorrow. I nearly had a mental breakdown right there. The feeling was just so overwhelming that I had to find a secluded space to get it all out.

Never in my entire life have I felt that...well, that god-awful. It nearly took me an hour to calm down. What's weird is that I was thinking about Catherine all day, and then that just hit me out of nowhere. Even though I want to brush it off as nerves or whatever, nothing about it felt normal.