I dreamed of her on her birthday, the 20th. She and I held hands in a field of spring flowers, the sunbeams dancing in her hair and her smile overflowing with love. On her head was a beautiful wreath of lavender and lilac, the combined perfumes filling my nostrils. In each blossom was a tiny bird that sang the sweetest of songs. I kissed her, held her, promised to never let her go as she spoke to me. I can't remember what she said, not in the slightest, but I do remember the agonizing feeling of waking up. I cried for a long time.
The good news is that it has strengthened my already iron resolve to find out what really happened. Don't worry, Catherine...I'm on the case.
Showing posts with label catherine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label catherine. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Sick Dreams
I haven't been feeling so good. It started last Friday and even a week later I don't think I'll be well for my birthday. My coughs are wet and ragged, my body is weak, my head feels heavier than bricks. Doctors called it a cold, but I'm not so sure.
The other night I had another dream. I was in a field, located somewhere in the middle of a forest. Before me was the most flawless pomegranate I've ever seen. I picked it up, and from it I heard the unmistakable sound of a human heartbeat. I carried the fruit closer to the middle of the meadow and, with my nail, pried it open effortlessly. Whether it was juice or blood that flowed from it, I didn't know, but I ate the tiny seeds regardless.
I can't remember the taste, only that I ate them like my life depended on it. It finished it in seconds, the rinds withering and decaying in that same time.
Catherine stood in front of me, wearing the clothes that her body was found in: worn denim jeans, a light purple top with a floral design on the front. Suddenly her neck opened wide as did her stomach.
Her guts spilled from the wound and she mouthed words I could not decipher. Blood pooled around her and drenched her clothes like an ancient dye.
And behind her were lines of people sized Venetian dolls, staring at me emotionlessly...so why do I get the feeling that they were smiling?
I woke up feeling nauseous and so full of sadness. The rain falls on my window, mocking me.
I need to find answers. I don't care if I'm the only one who will do it.
The other night I had another dream. I was in a field, located somewhere in the middle of a forest. Before me was the most flawless pomegranate I've ever seen. I picked it up, and from it I heard the unmistakable sound of a human heartbeat. I carried the fruit closer to the middle of the meadow and, with my nail, pried it open effortlessly. Whether it was juice or blood that flowed from it, I didn't know, but I ate the tiny seeds regardless.
I can't remember the taste, only that I ate them like my life depended on it. It finished it in seconds, the rinds withering and decaying in that same time.
Catherine stood in front of me, wearing the clothes that her body was found in: worn denim jeans, a light purple top with a floral design on the front. Suddenly her neck opened wide as did her stomach.
Her guts spilled from the wound and she mouthed words I could not decipher. Blood pooled around her and drenched her clothes like an ancient dye.
And behind her were lines of people sized Venetian dolls, staring at me emotionlessly...so why do I get the feeling that they were smiling?
I woke up feeling nauseous and so full of sadness. The rain falls on my window, mocking me.
I need to find answers. I don't care if I'm the only one who will do it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Dr. Frey's Opinion
I didn't feel comfortable letting Lunagirl out of my sight after that incident, so against her wishes I kept her inside. She begged me with her adorable meows to let her back, but I knew, just knew, that the second time that thing wouldn't be lenient.
I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Frey and asked for a meeting as soon as possible. He had an opening on the following Wednesday, and so I went. In place of a bowl of cherries there was a small tray of cute colored macarons. I helped myself to, well, all of them (much to my shame; other people would have wanted those) as I waited.
The door to his office gently opened and he beckoned me inside. I practically bowled him over to get to the chair. Dr. Frey said, "Elizabeth, good Lord...what's the matter?"
I settled into the chair, gripping the smooth arms as I worded myself as best I could. Would he, too, think that I was nuts? I had to give it a shot, and I did.
He let me speak, listening intently the entire time and wrote down notes. When I had finished, he took off his glasses, folded them neatly and looked at me, "Elizabeth, listen to me. When you saw this Fear Dubh in that blizzard, you were cold, shaking, the snow obstructing your vision."
"But I know what I saw, Doctor," I pleaded, "it tried to go after my Luna! It's real. Please, please believe me. This thing is real and it killed Catherine."
Dr. Frey frowned, then sat back in his chair and nodded, "I don't know what to say, Elizabeth. Either her illness is spreading or, most unlikely, this creature is real. But let's go back further. Before the blizzard, did you see it then?"
"No, I haven't. But I did get...listen to this. I woke up one morning in December to find that someone had ripped a page out of Catherine's diary and taped it to the front door."
That caught his attention. He leaned forward, "Come again?"
I, too, leaned in, "Someone found Catherine's diary, something she took with her, ripped out the page that detailed her proposing to me, and left it on the front door. I still have it."
"Then tell the police as soon as possible. Why didn't you tell them then?"
That was a good question, but a part of me had a reason: it was a piece of Catherine that I held near and dear to my heart, and by giving it to the police, I would have to give it up. Later that day I did tell the police about my finding, much to their displeasure. They admonished me about not telling them sooner, but days later came back to me and said they could find nothing of use from it. No fingerprints, no markings, nothing. It was as if it just teleported there from nothing.
The rest of the session was unremarkable. He penciled me in for another session soon, and this time he would do a simple test, a similar one he did with Catherine.
I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Frey and asked for a meeting as soon as possible. He had an opening on the following Wednesday, and so I went. In place of a bowl of cherries there was a small tray of cute colored macarons. I helped myself to, well, all of them (much to my shame; other people would have wanted those) as I waited.
The door to his office gently opened and he beckoned me inside. I practically bowled him over to get to the chair. Dr. Frey said, "Elizabeth, good Lord...what's the matter?"
I settled into the chair, gripping the smooth arms as I worded myself as best I could. Would he, too, think that I was nuts? I had to give it a shot, and I did.
He let me speak, listening intently the entire time and wrote down notes. When I had finished, he took off his glasses, folded them neatly and looked at me, "Elizabeth, listen to me. When you saw this Fear Dubh in that blizzard, you were cold, shaking, the snow obstructing your vision."
"But I know what I saw, Doctor," I pleaded, "it tried to go after my Luna! It's real. Please, please believe me. This thing is real and it killed Catherine."
Dr. Frey frowned, then sat back in his chair and nodded, "I don't know what to say, Elizabeth. Either her illness is spreading or, most unlikely, this creature is real. But let's go back further. Before the blizzard, did you see it then?"
"No, I haven't. But I did get...listen to this. I woke up one morning in December to find that someone had ripped a page out of Catherine's diary and taped it to the front door."
That caught his attention. He leaned forward, "Come again?"
I, too, leaned in, "Someone found Catherine's diary, something she took with her, ripped out the page that detailed her proposing to me, and left it on the front door. I still have it."
"Then tell the police as soon as possible. Why didn't you tell them then?"
That was a good question, but a part of me had a reason: it was a piece of Catherine that I held near and dear to my heart, and by giving it to the police, I would have to give it up. Later that day I did tell the police about my finding, much to their displeasure. They admonished me about not telling them sooner, but days later came back to me and said they could find nothing of use from it. No fingerprints, no markings, nothing. It was as if it just teleported there from nothing.
The rest of the session was unremarkable. He penciled me in for another session soon, and this time he would do a simple test, a similar one he did with Catherine.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
The Diary Entry
May 20, 2010
I finally did it! I proposed to Elizabeth and she said yes! Florence can't call me a wuss anymore. I can't wait to see the look on her face. But she'll be so happy I proposed, everyone will be. Mom and Dad are thrilled. Dad nearly fainted! I'll let the fact sink in for a bit. I'm so happy that I saved up all that money for the ring, cheap as it was. I plan on taking on another shift; I want to give Elizabeth the best of everything. This is the start of a brand new life for us and I can't wait to live it.
I finally did it! I proposed to Elizabeth and she said yes! Florence can't call me a wuss anymore. I can't wait to see the look on her face. But she'll be so happy I proposed, everyone will be. Mom and Dad are thrilled. Dad nearly fainted! I'll let the fact sink in for a bit. I'm so happy that I saved up all that money for the ring, cheap as it was. I plan on taking on another shift; I want to give Elizabeth the best of everything. This is the start of a brand new life for us and I can't wait to live it.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Winter Blues
Vivian dragged me out to the mall a few days ago, saying that it was more than time to get into the Christmas spirit and. I was surprised to see the rest of the gang loitering in the Cold Stone Creamery.
None of this is easy on anyone, and I appreciated what they did. We hacked around, playing with the cosmetics, trying on the clothes, listening to the cheerful music. Hell, we even joked about going to see Santa. It never materialized due to the long as hell line, but watching the kids' eyes light up when they get to tell the big guy what they want was magic in and of itself.
I had forgotten to tell them about my dream, but at that moment it didn't matter. Nightmares had no place there.
Christmas will be strange, though. Catherine is never going to come through that door, smiling and in her best outfit, to spend the holiday together. The Moores have long since move away and I haven't heard from them in a while. I don't blame them, honestly. I most likely remind them of the life they could have had. I want to wish them a merry Christmas.
Please, I beg of everyone: don't take your loved ones for granted. I know you get those words probably all the time, because it's true. I would give anything to have my Catherine back.
So I want to wish everyone a Happy Christmahanakwanzikamas.
None of this is easy on anyone, and I appreciated what they did. We hacked around, playing with the cosmetics, trying on the clothes, listening to the cheerful music. Hell, we even joked about going to see Santa. It never materialized due to the long as hell line, but watching the kids' eyes light up when they get to tell the big guy what they want was magic in and of itself.
I had forgotten to tell them about my dream, but at that moment it didn't matter. Nightmares had no place there.
Christmas will be strange, though. Catherine is never going to come through that door, smiling and in her best outfit, to spend the holiday together. The Moores have long since move away and I haven't heard from them in a while. I don't blame them, honestly. I most likely remind them of the life they could have had. I want to wish them a merry Christmas.
Please, I beg of everyone: don't take your loved ones for granted. I know you get those words probably all the time, because it's true. I would give anything to have my Catherine back.
So I want to wish everyone a Happy Christmahanakwanzikamas.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanks for Giving
Sorry that I haven't gotten the video up yet. Something is wrong with it and it's fighting me tooth and nail. I won't do what I want it to do and it was going crazy at some points...really crazy.
But in any case, I'll try to get it up. I want to film some more, but hopefully around less woods and more people. I went to Dr. Frey's office on Tuesday for a session with him and met his two daughters. Holy crap, what sweethearts! Justine and Juliette are so kind and so wonderful that I felt safe with them. I would have opened up to them if I could, but their pleased father ushered me into his office.
"How are you, Elizabeth?" he asked, "And I mean it. How are you?"
My voice was tight, "Not good. I've just been so utterly stressed and sad that it's overwhelming. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind for a while now. It's just eating me alive."
"The last we spoke you were raving about a Tall Man, and I have to admit, in my desperation I acted very well out of line. I hope you can forgive my slip up."
"It's not a problem. I understand."
"Good, good. But you were talking about the black thing that Catherine 'saw' a while back. Have you been seeing it at all recently?" he leaned forward and I shook my head.
I shifted in my chair and said, "No, I haven't. But something strange happened when I was taking a walk...on Catherine's birthday. I had a breakdown and asked her to forgive me for not acting sooner and stuff. Then I, ah, walked some more and saw this robin, this poor thing was on this rock altar all bloodied and surrounded by glass and mirror shards. It was just--I can't describe how creeped out I was."
Dr. Frey blanched at the description, "What in Heaven's name was that all about? Who would do something like that, in a park trail no less where children might see? It seems just...too strange."
"I know, right? But I kept walking, and I felt this sense of being unwelcome, like I had just walked into someone's home uninvited and just wandered around the place. It got so bad I just ran out of there. And would you believe the whole park was empty? It was still kind of early, so it was so strange. I had my camera with me and, well, I heard the sound of people whispering to one another. I couldn't get out much of what they were saying, though."
The doctor collected himself and nodded, "Elizabeth, it was good of you to get out and take a walk. I commend you for doing something to improve yourself. However, after thinking about it, maybe the bird was a prop and the blood was fake? Many teenagers find humor in shocking others. The talking was either some mild auditory hallucination or even people who hid out of sight."
"But I didn't see anyone. And--and there was distortion on my camera when those things happened. "
He wiped his glasses on his sleeve, and returned them to their casing. "It's called a coincidence, Elizabeth. Please understand that you might be overanalyzing things due to Catherine's death. She saw and heard something that didn't exist, so you are inappropriately hyper vigilant for anything that resembles it, if only to tell yourself that Catherine didn't have an illness that needed to be treated. You aren't honoring her memory by doing this, Elizabeth. Focus on her, on her life with you, and don't be afraid to find the strength to move on."
As I listened to him I bowed my head and stared at my sneakers, tears forming in my eyes. Before I even knew it I covered my face in my hands and cried.
"I want her back! I want my Catherine back!" I wailed.
Dr. Frey got out of his chair and rubbed my back, soothing me and handing me tissue after tissue. I don't remember what he said, I was crying to loud to hear properly, but I appreciated every single word. I wish I could say I felt a gigantic weight lift off of me, but I did feel small pieces of it come off. Baby steps.
I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, admittedly very loudly. "I think that's enough for today, Elizabeth." he said in a calm tone. "How about we continue a few weeks from now, is that alright? I know you're in school so I want to make sure that an appointment doesn't conflict with your schedule."
I mumbled that it would be good and made an appointment.As I walked out Juliette and Justine were there, hugging me and asking what was wrong. I damn near almost cried again from just how caring they were. I said my goodbyes and walked back to my car, feeling better but not completely well.
I'm going to get there.
[EDIT: the final time I tried to edit the video something bizarre happened: during the last frames I heard something I didn't before: low, dark laughter. After that the video just...suddenly deleted itself. I have no idea what that was or if I'm going crazy. Hopefully I can do more videos without insane stuff going on. Preferably not around woods.)
But in any case, I'll try to get it up. I want to film some more, but hopefully around less woods and more people. I went to Dr. Frey's office on Tuesday for a session with him and met his two daughters. Holy crap, what sweethearts! Justine and Juliette are so kind and so wonderful that I felt safe with them. I would have opened up to them if I could, but their pleased father ushered me into his office.
"How are you, Elizabeth?" he asked, "And I mean it. How are you?"
My voice was tight, "Not good. I've just been so utterly stressed and sad that it's overwhelming. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind for a while now. It's just eating me alive."
"The last we spoke you were raving about a Tall Man, and I have to admit, in my desperation I acted very well out of line. I hope you can forgive my slip up."
"It's not a problem. I understand."
"Good, good. But you were talking about the black thing that Catherine 'saw' a while back. Have you been seeing it at all recently?" he leaned forward and I shook my head.
I shifted in my chair and said, "No, I haven't. But something strange happened when I was taking a walk...on Catherine's birthday. I had a breakdown and asked her to forgive me for not acting sooner and stuff. Then I, ah, walked some more and saw this robin, this poor thing was on this rock altar all bloodied and surrounded by glass and mirror shards. It was just--I can't describe how creeped out I was."
Dr. Frey blanched at the description, "What in Heaven's name was that all about? Who would do something like that, in a park trail no less where children might see? It seems just...too strange."
"I know, right? But I kept walking, and I felt this sense of being unwelcome, like I had just walked into someone's home uninvited and just wandered around the place. It got so bad I just ran out of there. And would you believe the whole park was empty? It was still kind of early, so it was so strange. I had my camera with me and, well, I heard the sound of people whispering to one another. I couldn't get out much of what they were saying, though."
The doctor collected himself and nodded, "Elizabeth, it was good of you to get out and take a walk. I commend you for doing something to improve yourself. However, after thinking about it, maybe the bird was a prop and the blood was fake? Many teenagers find humor in shocking others. The talking was either some mild auditory hallucination or even people who hid out of sight."
"But I didn't see anyone. And--and there was distortion on my camera when those things happened. "
He wiped his glasses on his sleeve, and returned them to their casing. "It's called a coincidence, Elizabeth. Please understand that you might be overanalyzing things due to Catherine's death. She saw and heard something that didn't exist, so you are inappropriately hyper vigilant for anything that resembles it, if only to tell yourself that Catherine didn't have an illness that needed to be treated. You aren't honoring her memory by doing this, Elizabeth. Focus on her, on her life with you, and don't be afraid to find the strength to move on."
As I listened to him I bowed my head and stared at my sneakers, tears forming in my eyes. Before I even knew it I covered my face in my hands and cried.
"I want her back! I want my Catherine back!" I wailed.
Dr. Frey got out of his chair and rubbed my back, soothing me and handing me tissue after tissue. I don't remember what he said, I was crying to loud to hear properly, but I appreciated every single word. I wish I could say I felt a gigantic weight lift off of me, but I did feel small pieces of it come off. Baby steps.
I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, admittedly very loudly. "I think that's enough for today, Elizabeth." he said in a calm tone. "How about we continue a few weeks from now, is that alright? I know you're in school so I want to make sure that an appointment doesn't conflict with your schedule."
I mumbled that it would be good and made an appointment.As I walked out Juliette and Justine were there, hugging me and asking what was wrong. I damn near almost cried again from just how caring they were. I said my goodbyes and walked back to my car, feeling better but not completely well.
I'm going to get there.
[EDIT: the final time I tried to edit the video something bizarre happened: during the last frames I heard something I didn't before: low, dark laughter. After that the video just...suddenly deleted itself. I have no idea what that was or if I'm going crazy. Hopefully I can do more videos without insane stuff going on. Preferably not around woods.)
Monday, November 4, 2013
The Walk
Something strange happened on the day I took my walk. You noticed that I didn't do my usual birthday post on the 20th, Catherine's birthday. I decided I needed to get some fresh air and clear my head, despite the fact that this anxiety refuses to budge.
I drove to the park listening to my music player, but other than the sounds of my favorite artists I was completely silent. I parked my car and ignored the sounds of happy children playing. I decided to walk down one of the many wooded paths the park had to offer. As I wandered aimlessly, I finally collapsed onto my knees and cried, long and hard, on the forest floor. I didn't care if someone saw or heard me--I needed this. I begged Catherine to forgive me, I begged her to not be dead and to come back, I apologized over and over again to the empty autumn air. After what seemed like hours, I got up, dusted myself off, and continued walking.
I found, nestled beneath a big oak, an eerie shrine that reminded me too much of the white tree. On this stone altar I saw a dead robin surrounded by bloodies glass and mirrors. The poor thing looked like it had struggled before its untimely death. More of those strange, unknown words were seemingly carved onto the rocks. Understandably, I backed away from it and kept walking. Yet after seeing that morbid display, I felt like I was being watched, not by a single person, but by many. I got this unsettling feeling that I was an uninvited guest in an inhospitable home. Eventually I became so uncomfortable that I just left.
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you were being followed, even though when you turn around there is no one there? I couldn't shake that even if I tried, and when I reached the mouth of the forest I was surprised to see the park deserted. It was barely three o' clock and it shouldn't have been this...empty.
I ran to my car and raced home.
I recorded what happened on my camera, but something's wrong with the video. Some parts are distorted and I can almost make out human speech at some parts. This is insane.
I drove to the park listening to my music player, but other than the sounds of my favorite artists I was completely silent. I parked my car and ignored the sounds of happy children playing. I decided to walk down one of the many wooded paths the park had to offer. As I wandered aimlessly, I finally collapsed onto my knees and cried, long and hard, on the forest floor. I didn't care if someone saw or heard me--I needed this. I begged Catherine to forgive me, I begged her to not be dead and to come back, I apologized over and over again to the empty autumn air. After what seemed like hours, I got up, dusted myself off, and continued walking.
I found, nestled beneath a big oak, an eerie shrine that reminded me too much of the white tree. On this stone altar I saw a dead robin surrounded by bloodies glass and mirrors. The poor thing looked like it had struggled before its untimely death. More of those strange, unknown words were seemingly carved onto the rocks. Understandably, I backed away from it and kept walking. Yet after seeing that morbid display, I felt like I was being watched, not by a single person, but by many. I got this unsettling feeling that I was an uninvited guest in an inhospitable home. Eventually I became so uncomfortable that I just left.
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you were being followed, even though when you turn around there is no one there? I couldn't shake that even if I tried, and when I reached the mouth of the forest I was surprised to see the park deserted. It was barely three o' clock and it shouldn't have been this...empty.
I ran to my car and raced home.
I recorded what happened on my camera, but something's wrong with the video. Some parts are distorted and I can almost make out human speech at some parts. This is insane.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Unprepared
Catherine's birthday is on the 20th. I'm not ready for it.
Her parents are moving out of the county--they said that they just couldn't stay here anymore. Mrs. Moore told me how much she wished I could have been her daughter in law. They're leaving after her birthday to northern Jersey, and I feel that their leaving is just making everything worse.
My girls aren't dealing with Catherine's death any better than I am. A few days ago when I carpooled with Florence and Naomi one of Catherine's favorite songs came on the radio. Florence immediately shut it off and I heard Naomi begin to cry. Her tears were infectious: Florence and I began to sob as well.
During a spontaneous trip to the mall, Rebecca, Vivian and I just barely got to shopping before we saw this beautiful purple dress. It would have fit Catherine like a glove. I just couldn't deal with it any more. I just collapsed right there in the busy mall and the poor girls had to nearly carry me out. I felt terrible for ruining what should have been a pleasant day. But they weren't looking any better than I was.
Everywhere we go something reminds us of Catherine. I've failed her.
I've been trying to move on, but time isn't making things better. It's just making this irreparable wound fester. Dr. Frey told me that this was normal and that I would eventually heal from it. How? How can I heal from this? How can I move on knowing that the love of my life was probably kidnapped, held against her will and then was either driven to suicide or straight up murdered? Time will ever heal this.
I need to take a long walk.
Her parents are moving out of the county--they said that they just couldn't stay here anymore. Mrs. Moore told me how much she wished I could have been her daughter in law. They're leaving after her birthday to northern Jersey, and I feel that their leaving is just making everything worse.
My girls aren't dealing with Catherine's death any better than I am. A few days ago when I carpooled with Florence and Naomi one of Catherine's favorite songs came on the radio. Florence immediately shut it off and I heard Naomi begin to cry. Her tears were infectious: Florence and I began to sob as well.
During a spontaneous trip to the mall, Rebecca, Vivian and I just barely got to shopping before we saw this beautiful purple dress. It would have fit Catherine like a glove. I just couldn't deal with it any more. I just collapsed right there in the busy mall and the poor girls had to nearly carry me out. I felt terrible for ruining what should have been a pleasant day. But they weren't looking any better than I was.
Everywhere we go something reminds us of Catherine. I've failed her.
I've been trying to move on, but time isn't making things better. It's just making this irreparable wound fester. Dr. Frey told me that this was normal and that I would eventually heal from it. How? How can I heal from this? How can I move on knowing that the love of my life was probably kidnapped, held against her will and then was either driven to suicide or straight up murdered? Time will ever heal this.
I need to take a long walk.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Three Women
Here is the video that I promised to put out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL_OotuunU8
The women that I saw were very strange and very quiet. They didn't say a word or interact with anyone, but I did see them smirk a few times.
It seemed that my girls and I were the only ones who noticed them. Florence said that she should've gone and talked to them, if only to find out what their deal was. I wanted to, as well, but I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything but mourn.
The women that I saw were very strange and very quiet. They didn't say a word or interact with anyone, but I did see them smirk a few times.
It seemed that my girls and I were the only ones who noticed them. Florence said that she should've gone and talked to them, if only to find out what their deal was. I wanted to, as well, but I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything but mourn.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Arizona
A part of me doesn't want to do this. A part of me doesn't even want to repeat what I know, just because it is so wrong.
But you've all been there for me, so I suppose I owe you this.
These cross-country explorers found her in the long abandoned Seneca Lake Trading Post. According to them, they were going in to take some pictures and film silly stuff when they were overcome by the stench of death. One of the braver members of the group went into the dining hall and found my Catherine, face up in an ocean of blood. After calming down they called the police, who sealed off the area and then called Mrs. Moore. The explorer crew admitted to the police that they had taken pictures out of sick curiosity; obviously the cops told them to hand the pictures over once they were developed.
I'm not sure if I want to see them.
What was truly disturbing were how she died: the police say that Catherine had slit her own throat with a seven inch blade, which killed her within mere seconds. But there was one other wound: a deep and long cut across her stomach, so much so that someone was able to reach into her body and mess around with her organs. Surprisingly and unsettlingly, not a single one was missing. To add salt to the wound her precious engagement ring was gone.
Just writing that made me physically ill. Who would do that to someone as sweet as Catherine?
The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. Maybe I will compose myself just enough to make a video, but no promises.
But you've all been there for me, so I suppose I owe you this.
These cross-country explorers found her in the long abandoned Seneca Lake Trading Post. According to them, they were going in to take some pictures and film silly stuff when they were overcome by the stench of death. One of the braver members of the group went into the dining hall and found my Catherine, face up in an ocean of blood. After calming down they called the police, who sealed off the area and then called Mrs. Moore. The explorer crew admitted to the police that they had taken pictures out of sick curiosity; obviously the cops told them to hand the pictures over once they were developed.
I'm not sure if I want to see them.
What was truly disturbing were how she died: the police say that Catherine had slit her own throat with a seven inch blade, which killed her within mere seconds. But there was one other wound: a deep and long cut across her stomach, so much so that someone was able to reach into her body and mess around with her organs. Surprisingly and unsettlingly, not a single one was missing. To add salt to the wound her precious engagement ring was gone.
Just writing that made me physically ill. Who would do that to someone as sweet as Catherine?
The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. Maybe I will compose myself just enough to make a video, but no promises.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Announcement
On July 7, Mrs. Moore called to tell me the news I had been dreading to hear: Catherine had been found dead across the country in Arizona. Though she didn't give me the exact length of time she had been lying dead there, Mrs. Moore did say that it had been a while. I broke down then and there, throwing the phone and screaming myself hoarse.
I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my twin flame, my fiancée. I lost someone I will never get back. I lost a piece of myself. Mrs. Moore also had to call the rest of my friends, and it's been a spiraling nightmare.
I don't know if I want to go into detail as who how she died...it's quite brutal. Maybe when the news has processed I will share it, but the police believe that it was a suicide.
The wake and funeral will be in a few days, but the police still have no leads as to what lead up to her death.
I also decided to use YouTube as a way of talking to you all, in memory of our original plan. Thank you all for reading this blog, though I might still have use for it, I suppose.
The first video is found here: http://www.youtube.com/
I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my twin flame, my fiancée. I lost someone I will never get back. I lost a piece of myself. Mrs. Moore also had to call the rest of my friends, and it's been a spiraling nightmare.
I don't know if I want to go into detail as who how she died...it's quite brutal. Maybe when the news has processed I will share it, but the police believe that it was a suicide.
The wake and funeral will be in a few days, but the police still have no leads as to what lead up to her death.
I also decided to use YouTube as a way of talking to you all, in memory of our original plan. Thank you all for reading this blog, though I might still have use for it, I suppose.
The first video is found here: http://www.youtube.com/
Friday, February 15, 2013
Post Valentine's Day Blues
So yesterday marked the second Valentine's Day I have spent without Catherine. Two. It's so hard to comprehend how much time has passed when it feels like an eternity. Even though life appears to have gone on, it has been killing me slowly.
For those of you out there lucky to have their loved ones near them, cherish them. Be with them, and always let them know how much you love them.
For those of you out there lucky to have their loved ones near them, cherish them. Be with them, and always let them know how much you love them.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Call
Faster than I could process, I picked up the call and pressed the phone to my ear. "Catherine? Where are you? Are you alright? Please tell me your coming home now."
All I heard was her heavy breathing, as if she had run hundreds miles without stopping. I couldn't detect anything else besides that.
"Elizabeth..." she said, catching her breath, "I'm done."
Done? Done with what? "Are...are you finished with whatever you needed to do? Are you coming back?"
"No!" I had never heard her sound so angry. "No, I'm not coming back. I'm done with you, I'm done!"
What did she just say? I must have mumbled something deliriously, as she continued.
"Our engagement is off, Elizabeth. I want nothing more to do with you or our little circle, understand?"
If I had been shot in the knees, the stomach or even the chest, it would have hurt less that Catherine's words. The harsh edge to her voice cut through me without any effort. It couldn't been happening. Maybe it was a joke...a sick joke. "Wha...why? Why?"
It sounded like she snorted, as if the reason should have been as obvious as 'the sky is blue,' "I don't need to elaborate, alright? I don't want to be engaged to you any longer. I'm done. Why can't you just respect that?"
This blindsided me completely. Even as I felt my heart breaking I didn't stop talking, "What's the matter? Why are you doing this? I need an answer, Catherine, please. I-Is there someone else? I don't...I don't understand at all, okay? Are you even feeling alright? I can't understand why you're doing this. I love you, Catherine. You know how much I do." I couldn't stop. I don't remember what else I said, other than pleas, declarations of love, platitudes, desires for an explanation and pauses to see if she would respond at all. I must have sounded so pathetic.
Through my weeping, Catherine managed to say four last words: "Don't look for me."
She hung up the phone. I fell to my knees. And I couldn't feel anything besides sorrow. Calling her back did nothing but go straight to voicemail. I told everyone what happened, much to their surprise and confusion. Why did Catherine do that? What was the purpose? Hypothesis after hypothesis was thrown around, yet none of them sounded right. There was no evidence to back up what we thought, and so our misery had been increased fifty-fold.
The police couldn't track her by the cell; something made it impossible, they said. They tried and tried yet nothing. I had such a panic attack that day I collapsed in a heap.
I don't think Catherine was in her right mind, that or someone put a gun to her head and told her to say that. She would never say those things to me, that I know.
All I heard was her heavy breathing, as if she had run hundreds miles without stopping. I couldn't detect anything else besides that.
"Elizabeth..." she said, catching her breath, "I'm done."
Done? Done with what? "Are...are you finished with whatever you needed to do? Are you coming back?"
"No!" I had never heard her sound so angry. "No, I'm not coming back. I'm done with you, I'm done!"
What did she just say? I must have mumbled something deliriously, as she continued.
"Our engagement is off, Elizabeth. I want nothing more to do with you or our little circle, understand?"
If I had been shot in the knees, the stomach or even the chest, it would have hurt less that Catherine's words. The harsh edge to her voice cut through me without any effort. It couldn't been happening. Maybe it was a joke...a sick joke. "Wha...why? Why?"
It sounded like she snorted, as if the reason should have been as obvious as 'the sky is blue,' "I don't need to elaborate, alright? I don't want to be engaged to you any longer. I'm done. Why can't you just respect that?"
This blindsided me completely. Even as I felt my heart breaking I didn't stop talking, "What's the matter? Why are you doing this? I need an answer, Catherine, please. I-Is there someone else? I don't...I don't understand at all, okay? Are you even feeling alright? I can't understand why you're doing this. I love you, Catherine. You know how much I do." I couldn't stop. I don't remember what else I said, other than pleas, declarations of love, platitudes, desires for an explanation and pauses to see if she would respond at all. I must have sounded so pathetic.
Through my weeping, Catherine managed to say four last words: "Don't look for me."
She hung up the phone. I fell to my knees. And I couldn't feel anything besides sorrow. Calling her back did nothing but go straight to voicemail. I told everyone what happened, much to their surprise and confusion. Why did Catherine do that? What was the purpose? Hypothesis after hypothesis was thrown around, yet none of them sounded right. There was no evidence to back up what we thought, and so our misery had been increased fifty-fold.
The police couldn't track her by the cell; something made it impossible, they said. They tried and tried yet nothing. I had such a panic attack that day I collapsed in a heap.
I don't think Catherine was in her right mind, that or someone put a gun to her head and told her to say that. She would never say those things to me, that I know.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Last Supper
And then, for a while, there was nothing. Another dry spell came, but didn't last long. That seemed to be the pattern: Catherine would be tormented, a break would happen, and then it would start up again. Whatever else this thing was, it was a sadist through and through. It had an agenda.
September ended and October was just beginning. I had asked her what she would like most for her upcoming birthday; be it jewelry, clothes or a flowery branch. She shrugged and said that anything from me would do. Catherine had resumed living with her parents, their eyes protectively watching over her and being there in case she ever needed them.
But she began to act quietly, not talking for long periods of time. Now usually it's not cause for alarm, especially considering everything that had happened, but this wasn't the usual kind of self-reflecting; it was far more silent, like a snowy and gelid winter day. But never was she hostile or confrontational towards me or anyone else.
I invited the other girls to the house for dinner to surprise Catherine one time, and for the most part she seemed very pleased with it. She and Mom cooked dinner despite our desire to help. "Let the masters do the work, Liz," my mom said playfully. We set the table and enjoyed the fine meal that we had waited for all evening. The dinner was spent happily chatting and commenting and making jokes. After we had all ate, as she and I were cleaning the plates and bowls, Catherine said, "Thanks for inviting them over. It's nice having everyone together."
"Hey, anything for you. I'm just happy that you're happy." It was true; I was thrilled that she was smiling again, really smiling. It gave me hope.
We were so full that unfortunately dessert had to be skipped, and instead after-dinner cordials were sipped from cute glasses as we watched silly videos on YouTube. I forget exactly what it was, only that it included 'epic fails' of people hurting themselves. We were laughing so hard that we had to stop watching it to catch our breaths and not spill our drinks on anything.
The only one who didn't show any emotion was Catherine. I saw her stare blankly at the screen, sometimes a little smile tugging at her lips, but not the full-blown laughter like I had seen before. Her eyes wandered from me, to our group, to the room, to finally being laid downcast. I would have given anything to know what she was thinking then. Maybe I could have done more.
Florence nudged her shoulder, "Yo, Cath? What's the matter? You look really out of it."
From that she was roused from her stupor and blinked, "Wha...? Oh. Yeah, I was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?" I said, pausing the video and giving her 100% of my attention.
She stared down at her unfinished cordial, swirling the liquid back and forth, "I was just thinking about you guys, that's all. I'm lucky to have friends that are so understanding; any others would have kicked me to the curb. It's nice knowing who you can count on."
Immediately I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "You know that we're always going to be there, no matter what."
We assured her that we would always be there for her no matter what, no matter the stakes. I could saw tears in her eyes forming as we talked.
Eventually it got so late that the girls had to leave. Florence had been nice enough to let Vivian, Naomi and Rebecca carpool with her to my house, efficiently saving time, money and gas for the three of them. We walked to her car that was carefully behind Catherine's
As Naomi eased herself into the front seat she asked, "You alright to drive, Flo?"
"I'm perfectly fine. You know that I drive better when I'm tipsy." With a shrug and a laugh, Florence opened the driver's side door and was ready to place the key into the ignition.
In seconds Rebecca snatched the keys right out of Florence's hand, "Alright, then I'm driving. I don't want you to risk it."
"I'm going to guess that she was making a dumb comment, Becks, so you can calm down." Vivian folded her arms on the top of the car, an amused grin forming on her face. "Florence knows her limits, though."
Throughout this exhange, Naomi was giggling behind her hand. She wasn't one to get upset easily, which has always been one of her strengths. Catherine entered in, "Florence only had a few small glasses; I think that she's more than capable to drive. But that's just me."
Rebecca thought about it, her brow furrowed. Finally, she handed the keys back to Florence. "I trust you. But please drive safely."
With that agreement, Florence resumed her rightful place as the driver. "I will. And if I swerve or anything, I'll pull over and you can drive. Is that good?"
"Deal."
Catherine and I waved until we couldn't see them anymore, in which we then went back inside, closed the door and collapsed on the couch. She asked if she could sleep over for the night, and I readily agreed. We changed into our sleepwear (I usually gave her a pair of my pajamas if she didn't bring her own; she and I were the same size) and cozied up to re-read our favorite childhood book, The Velveteen Rabbit.
When we finished the Catherine said to me softly"Elizabeth, even after all that's happened, you still love me?"
It was beyond a no-brainer. Never once did I think about leaving her or even stop loving her. She wasn't at fault for any of what happened. All Catherine was doing was desperately try to keep on keeping on while this thing attempted to ruin her life. Was I frustrated? Yes, but not at Catherine. "Of course I do. I really do. Why do you ask?"
Catherine looked at me, a relieved smile on her face, "Just making sure. I love you, too." she kissed me, placed the book back onto the self and walked to the door, shutting off the light completely."Go to sleep, Ellie. It's late; I'll be right back."
I did so, closing my eyes and waiting for her to come back. I was so tired that I was on the border of sleep and awake when I felt her come back.
It would be the last time I would ever see her.
I woke up the next day alone; Catherine and her car were gone. The pajamas I lent her were neatly folded in the bathroom and nothing seemed amiss. At first I believed that she has woken up before me and returned to her house, but a quick call to the Moores made my heart sink: they didn't see Catherine in the slightest, but they noticed that several things from her room were missing, such as her diary, some clothes and other assorted items. I assume that Catherine went back to gather more things and then go to parts unknown.
Like clockwork, I tried calling her and only got the voicemail. I had no idea where she went or where she was at that time. Her own parents had no luck there either.
Calm down, calm down...I tried to console myself as I paced the floor of my room, she always came back before. Catherine is going to come back again. I know it. I feel it. She's going to come back.
Then a day went by, and the another, without any sign from her at all. When seven days turned into ten, I began to get so worried I could barely think straight. But would Catherine come back after two weeks? Or three? Or a full month? I had no way of knowing then. I was a nervous wreck.
On the fourteenth day, we filed a missing persons report.
And then, almost a month later, she called.
September ended and October was just beginning. I had asked her what she would like most for her upcoming birthday; be it jewelry, clothes or a flowery branch. She shrugged and said that anything from me would do. Catherine had resumed living with her parents, their eyes protectively watching over her and being there in case she ever needed them.
But she began to act quietly, not talking for long periods of time. Now usually it's not cause for alarm, especially considering everything that had happened, but this wasn't the usual kind of self-reflecting; it was far more silent, like a snowy and gelid winter day. But never was she hostile or confrontational towards me or anyone else.
I invited the other girls to the house for dinner to surprise Catherine one time, and for the most part she seemed very pleased with it. She and Mom cooked dinner despite our desire to help. "Let the masters do the work, Liz," my mom said playfully. We set the table and enjoyed the fine meal that we had waited for all evening. The dinner was spent happily chatting and commenting and making jokes. After we had all ate, as she and I were cleaning the plates and bowls, Catherine said, "Thanks for inviting them over. It's nice having everyone together."
"Hey, anything for you. I'm just happy that you're happy." It was true; I was thrilled that she was smiling again, really smiling. It gave me hope.
We were so full that unfortunately dessert had to be skipped, and instead after-dinner cordials were sipped from cute glasses as we watched silly videos on YouTube. I forget exactly what it was, only that it included 'epic fails' of people hurting themselves. We were laughing so hard that we had to stop watching it to catch our breaths and not spill our drinks on anything.
The only one who didn't show any emotion was Catherine. I saw her stare blankly at the screen, sometimes a little smile tugging at her lips, but not the full-blown laughter like I had seen before. Her eyes wandered from me, to our group, to the room, to finally being laid downcast. I would have given anything to know what she was thinking then. Maybe I could have done more.
Florence nudged her shoulder, "Yo, Cath? What's the matter? You look really out of it."
From that she was roused from her stupor and blinked, "Wha...? Oh. Yeah, I was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?" I said, pausing the video and giving her 100% of my attention.
She stared down at her unfinished cordial, swirling the liquid back and forth, "I was just thinking about you guys, that's all. I'm lucky to have friends that are so understanding; any others would have kicked me to the curb. It's nice knowing who you can count on."
Immediately I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "You know that we're always going to be there, no matter what."
We assured her that we would always be there for her no matter what, no matter the stakes. I could saw tears in her eyes forming as we talked.
Eventually it got so late that the girls had to leave. Florence had been nice enough to let Vivian, Naomi and Rebecca carpool with her to my house, efficiently saving time, money and gas for the three of them. We walked to her car that was carefully behind Catherine's
As Naomi eased herself into the front seat she asked, "You alright to drive, Flo?"
"I'm perfectly fine. You know that I drive better when I'm tipsy." With a shrug and a laugh, Florence opened the driver's side door and was ready to place the key into the ignition.
In seconds Rebecca snatched the keys right out of Florence's hand, "Alright, then I'm driving. I don't want you to risk it."
"I'm going to guess that she was making a dumb comment, Becks, so you can calm down." Vivian folded her arms on the top of the car, an amused grin forming on her face. "Florence knows her limits, though."
Throughout this exhange, Naomi was giggling behind her hand. She wasn't one to get upset easily, which has always been one of her strengths. Catherine entered in, "Florence only had a few small glasses; I think that she's more than capable to drive. But that's just me."
Rebecca thought about it, her brow furrowed. Finally, she handed the keys back to Florence. "I trust you. But please drive safely."
With that agreement, Florence resumed her rightful place as the driver. "I will. And if I swerve or anything, I'll pull over and you can drive. Is that good?"
"Deal."
Catherine and I waved until we couldn't see them anymore, in which we then went back inside, closed the door and collapsed on the couch. She asked if she could sleep over for the night, and I readily agreed. We changed into our sleepwear (I usually gave her a pair of my pajamas if she didn't bring her own; she and I were the same size) and cozied up to re-read our favorite childhood book, The Velveteen Rabbit.
When we finished the Catherine said to me softly"Elizabeth, even after all that's happened, you still love me?"
It was beyond a no-brainer. Never once did I think about leaving her or even stop loving her. She wasn't at fault for any of what happened. All Catherine was doing was desperately try to keep on keeping on while this thing attempted to ruin her life. Was I frustrated? Yes, but not at Catherine. "Of course I do. I really do. Why do you ask?"
Catherine looked at me, a relieved smile on her face, "Just making sure. I love you, too." she kissed me, placed the book back onto the self and walked to the door, shutting off the light completely."Go to sleep, Ellie. It's late; I'll be right back."
I did so, closing my eyes and waiting for her to come back. I was so tired that I was on the border of sleep and awake when I felt her come back.
It would be the last time I would ever see her.
I woke up the next day alone; Catherine and her car were gone. The pajamas I lent her were neatly folded in the bathroom and nothing seemed amiss. At first I believed that she has woken up before me and returned to her house, but a quick call to the Moores made my heart sink: they didn't see Catherine in the slightest, but they noticed that several things from her room were missing, such as her diary, some clothes and other assorted items. I assume that Catherine went back to gather more things and then go to parts unknown.
Like clockwork, I tried calling her and only got the voicemail. I had no idea where she went or where she was at that time. Her own parents had no luck there either.
Calm down, calm down...I tried to console myself as I paced the floor of my room, she always came back before. Catherine is going to come back again. I know it. I feel it. She's going to come back.
Then a day went by, and the another, without any sign from her at all. When seven days turned into ten, I began to get so worried I could barely think straight. But would Catherine come back after two weeks? Or three? Or a full month? I had no way of knowing then. I was a nervous wreck.
On the fourteenth day, we filed a missing persons report.
And then, almost a month later, she called.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Eve of the New Year
Right now we all stand upon the dawning of the year 2013, a new year with new hopes and new dreams. 2012 has been painful, but at the same time there were moments I enjoyed. The entire year Catherine has been on my mind nonstop, mostly me worrying sick about where she is. I still worry, and I doubt I will be able to shake it anytime soon.
My wish for 2013 is for her to return home to me, and to get the answers I need. I pray that it will be granted.
For everyone else out there, have a safe, happy and prosperous new year, and may 2013 be kind to you all.
My wish for 2013 is for her to return home to me, and to get the answers I need. I pray that it will be granted.
For everyone else out there, have a safe, happy and prosperous new year, and may 2013 be kind to you all.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Nature's Church
I was awoken early the next morning by a strange feeling on my cheek, dancing across my lips and down my neck. Delirious, I at first thought it was Catherine's fingers, as she did have a habit of caressing my face as I slept in one of her more loving moods, but when the feeling crawled up my face once more, I opened my eyes to see a house spider comfortably resting on my nose.
Now, I don't like hurting bugs, I don't. But this black thing spooked me so bad that I nearly let out a yell. I slapped it off of my face and onto surfaces unknown, for I never saw it after that. After I calmed myself down enough, I went to the bathroom to check for any bites. I found none whatsoever, which was most certainly a good thing. Looking outside I saw that the sun was slowly starting to rise, and since our classes were at eight-thirty, I debated even going back to bed; didn't want to get too comfortable again. Might as well make some tea and get ready.
But then I thought about Catherine and that spider. The one on my face wasn't identical to the one we saw yesterday, and I honestly didn't feel comfortable with any arachnid (big or small) near her. It was the desire to protect Catherine, even from harmless little things, that made me go back into my room and curl up next to her. To hell with everything else.
The day passed on comfortably: we carpooled to school, met up with our girls, managed to eat lunch together before scattering to our respective destinations. The classes went smoothly, our phones managed to not glitch up royally (thank God), and we even ate out for dinner that night. I did see Catherine sometimes looking behind her and over my shoulder, but aside from that nothing went awry.
We returned on time, no later that ten, and completely exhausted we went to bed. As we lay there, not asleep yet not awake, Catherine gently nudged my shoulder.
"Hmm? You alright?" I said to her.
She nodded, "Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew I was still here."
It was a simple little sentence, but it meant so much to me. I kissed her forehead, and we slowly descended into blissful rest. That night I dreamed of a small, cozy cabin in the middle of a dense forest; the kind of home or vacation spot many would kill for. Inside were plenty of furnishings to go around, comfortable couches and beds, a full pantry and the sound of laughter from an invisible family. It was beautiful, soothing.
And then, in the blink of an eye, the cabin caught fire. I don't know where it started, but the flames crept up the walls and along the floors like a stalker in the night. Soon the entire house was a fireball, and I heard the laughter turn to muted screams. In seconds the cabin was ash upon the forest floor, and all was silent.
I woke with a start, my heart pounding like a frantic drum in my chest. I felt beside me to feel if Catherine was still with me, and to my relief she still was. In minutes I calmed down enough to finally fall into an uneasy rest. Morning could not have come sooner.
But after an eternity, it did. The sun rose and banished away all darkness, golden-yellow rays pouring into windows to wake the people and let them start the day, hopefully with a good night's sleep behind them. Such was the way with Catherine and I. Quietly we walked down the stairs, rubbing our eyes and yawning. Breakfast for both of us was jasmine green tea, toast with Nutella and ground cinnamon and sliced green apples.
Outside, Lunagirl was meowing loudly for her food and attention, yet there was also something mournful in her voice. Catherine said to me, "Let me go play with her while you get her breakfast."
She opened the back door, shuddered at the sudden coldness and knelt down to pet Lunagirl. I was calmly opening a can of her preferred foodstuff when Catherine let out a ragged, low scream. I flew to the door, shouting, "What's wrong?! What's wrong?!"
Catherine wordlessly pointed to my cat, a look of terror in her eyes. I held my little black companion in my arms and my jaw dropped in shock.
Lunagirl's back neck was almost covered in ticks. Pale, engorged things that greedily sucked at her lifeblood. Horrified, yet intrepid, I began to pluck each of them off. It was no easy task, as they had embedded themselves in her skin so deeply that it seemed they were now a part of her. All the time my beloved feline was sitting still so I could work. In the end I counted a total of eighteen ticks, every last one of them so big that they could barely move. Catherine smashed them all with the one of my father's heavy shoes.
At one-thirty I accompanied Catherine to her appointment with Dr. Frey, sitting in the waiting room and fiddling with my phone the entire time. The session took a little longer this time, not that I minded. If Catherine needed more time to get it off her chest, then it can take as long as she wants it to. I forgot to mention this back a while, but she was laid off from her job due to her missing shifts and erratic behavior. It didn't seem to hit her too hard, but it wasn't making things easier.
At almost three o' clock Dr. Frey invited me to join Catherine in his office. I walked in, sat down in a chair next to hers, and held Catherine's outstretched hand.
Dr. Frey cleared his throat and spoke, "Catherine has told me all about her little black out that happened. They are very scary, and since she does not illegal substances nor has any brain damage, it makes them even more puzzling. You two staying together through all of this shows how strong you are, and how much love you have for one another." he paused and I squeezed Catherine's hand. "I do want to put both of your worries to rest and tell you that your phones were most likely malfunctioning. It sometimes happens to Justine's phone, even. Don't over-analyze it it mean more than it does; it causes headaches." He chuckled at his own joke.
"Now, Elizabeth," he continued, folding his hands neatly on his desk. "Is there anything you want to get out there for discussion? Any fears, thoughts...nothing is off limits."
I breathed in deeply, then exhaled. I turned to Catherine and said, "I love you, and nothing can keep me from doing that. Not even this wicked thing that seems to like you a whole lot." She didn't laugh, but a smile formed on her lips. "And you're not suffering though this alone, okay?"
"I know."
"I mean, I had a really crazy dream last night even--"
The smile faded quickly, replaced with anxiety. "What?"
"Yeah...it was freaky. Surreal."
The doctor said, "Do you want to share it with us, Elizabeth?"
I decided, 'why not? It's just a dream' and told them. "It was just...creepy. I dreamed about a cottage in the woods that must have belonged to a family. Then it caught fire and burned to the ground, most likely killing everyone. I woke up scared silly."
The doctor nodded his head, a look of puzzlement on his face. "Hm. Odd. But dreams are often like that. Personally it may have just been a simple nightmare, but one would think that there is a deeper meaning. Catherine? What do you think?"
Catherine's eyes grew wide as saucers, her breathing becoming deeper and deeper. "I know that something serious needs to be done."
She got up out of her chair, dragging me along with her. Before leaving the room, she turned and nodded, "Thank you, doctor. I believe I know what I have to do now." Catherine's grip on my wrist grew stronger as she pulled me to the car. I gently pried her fingers off of my small wrist and nearly croaked, "Cathie! Wha-what is going on?!"
It was a question that has long since worn out its welcome. I wondered about her strange behavior and seemed to get an answer that this evil thing wanted her for some bizzare reason. I wanted it gone so that she would stop worrying and being on edge. I wanted it gone for both of our sakes.
She opened the passenger door and looked at me pleadingly, "I have to think about this. Let's go home."
So we did, the whole ride spent in pure silence. Catherine was looking out the window, seemingly mulling over what she and the doctor had talked about and my dream. I wanted to make small talk, but each time a sentence formed in my mind it died in my throat. Sometimes words were not nescessary.
When we arrived home she quietly opened her door, walked around to me and opened mine. "Thanks, love," I murmured. Together we walked to and through the unlocked front door, where Catherine still wore the expression of a person debating what in the name of God to do with their life. I said in the cheeriest voice I could muster, "You want a snack? I think we still have those apple slices left."
I recieved a "Mm-hm." in response. I gave her the the slices of fruit and she chewed them slowly, listlessly. I looked around me for any and all spiders or insects, and should one appear I would be the first to swat it out of the room. "You alright?" I whispered.
"Kind of. I'm just really upset that you dreamed about that. It's not good."
"Why?"
She swallowed heavily, "Because. It might want you, too."
My eyebrows rose, "Me?"
She nodded.
I didn't say anything; I was left completely speechless by this new turn of events. A little bit of fear started to creep inside of me. Were dreams the first sign of things to come? No. No. I won't let this thing have me. I can't let it consume me. Without thinking I said, "Yesterday I woke up with a spider on my face. I don't want to freak you out, but I don't want to keep anything from you. I wacked it off my face and I didn't see it after that." I half expected her to flip the table, but instead sheburied her face in my shoulder. Catherine didn't cry, only let out sad little sighs.
Almost foolishly, I said, "Nothing bad will happen to me, Catherine. We're going to get through this."
She looked up at me with a smile drained of all warmth and said, "I can only hope we will."
Now, I don't like hurting bugs, I don't. But this black thing spooked me so bad that I nearly let out a yell. I slapped it off of my face and onto surfaces unknown, for I never saw it after that. After I calmed myself down enough, I went to the bathroom to check for any bites. I found none whatsoever, which was most certainly a good thing. Looking outside I saw that the sun was slowly starting to rise, and since our classes were at eight-thirty, I debated even going back to bed; didn't want to get too comfortable again. Might as well make some tea and get ready.
But then I thought about Catherine and that spider. The one on my face wasn't identical to the one we saw yesterday, and I honestly didn't feel comfortable with any arachnid (big or small) near her. It was the desire to protect Catherine, even from harmless little things, that made me go back into my room and curl up next to her. To hell with everything else.
The day passed on comfortably: we carpooled to school, met up with our girls, managed to eat lunch together before scattering to our respective destinations. The classes went smoothly, our phones managed to not glitch up royally (thank God), and we even ate out for dinner that night. I did see Catherine sometimes looking behind her and over my shoulder, but aside from that nothing went awry.
We returned on time, no later that ten, and completely exhausted we went to bed. As we lay there, not asleep yet not awake, Catherine gently nudged my shoulder.
"Hmm? You alright?" I said to her.
She nodded, "Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew I was still here."
It was a simple little sentence, but it meant so much to me. I kissed her forehead, and we slowly descended into blissful rest. That night I dreamed of a small, cozy cabin in the middle of a dense forest; the kind of home or vacation spot many would kill for. Inside were plenty of furnishings to go around, comfortable couches and beds, a full pantry and the sound of laughter from an invisible family. It was beautiful, soothing.
And then, in the blink of an eye, the cabin caught fire. I don't know where it started, but the flames crept up the walls and along the floors like a stalker in the night. Soon the entire house was a fireball, and I heard the laughter turn to muted screams. In seconds the cabin was ash upon the forest floor, and all was silent.
I woke with a start, my heart pounding like a frantic drum in my chest. I felt beside me to feel if Catherine was still with me, and to my relief she still was. In minutes I calmed down enough to finally fall into an uneasy rest. Morning could not have come sooner.
But after an eternity, it did. The sun rose and banished away all darkness, golden-yellow rays pouring into windows to wake the people and let them start the day, hopefully with a good night's sleep behind them. Such was the way with Catherine and I. Quietly we walked down the stairs, rubbing our eyes and yawning. Breakfast for both of us was jasmine green tea, toast with Nutella and ground cinnamon and sliced green apples.
Outside, Lunagirl was meowing loudly for her food and attention, yet there was also something mournful in her voice. Catherine said to me, "Let me go play with her while you get her breakfast."
She opened the back door, shuddered at the sudden coldness and knelt down to pet Lunagirl. I was calmly opening a can of her preferred foodstuff when Catherine let out a ragged, low scream. I flew to the door, shouting, "What's wrong?! What's wrong?!"
Catherine wordlessly pointed to my cat, a look of terror in her eyes. I held my little black companion in my arms and my jaw dropped in shock.
Lunagirl's back neck was almost covered in ticks. Pale, engorged things that greedily sucked at her lifeblood. Horrified, yet intrepid, I began to pluck each of them off. It was no easy task, as they had embedded themselves in her skin so deeply that it seemed they were now a part of her. All the time my beloved feline was sitting still so I could work. In the end I counted a total of eighteen ticks, every last one of them so big that they could barely move. Catherine smashed them all with the one of my father's heavy shoes.
At one-thirty I accompanied Catherine to her appointment with Dr. Frey, sitting in the waiting room and fiddling with my phone the entire time. The session took a little longer this time, not that I minded. If Catherine needed more time to get it off her chest, then it can take as long as she wants it to. I forgot to mention this back a while, but she was laid off from her job due to her missing shifts and erratic behavior. It didn't seem to hit her too hard, but it wasn't making things easier.
At almost three o' clock Dr. Frey invited me to join Catherine in his office. I walked in, sat down in a chair next to hers, and held Catherine's outstretched hand.
Dr. Frey cleared his throat and spoke, "Catherine has told me all about her little black out that happened. They are very scary, and since she does not illegal substances nor has any brain damage, it makes them even more puzzling. You two staying together through all of this shows how strong you are, and how much love you have for one another." he paused and I squeezed Catherine's hand. "I do want to put both of your worries to rest and tell you that your phones were most likely malfunctioning. It sometimes happens to Justine's phone, even. Don't over-analyze it it mean more than it does; it causes headaches." He chuckled at his own joke.
"Now, Elizabeth," he continued, folding his hands neatly on his desk. "Is there anything you want to get out there for discussion? Any fears, thoughts...nothing is off limits."
I breathed in deeply, then exhaled. I turned to Catherine and said, "I love you, and nothing can keep me from doing that. Not even this wicked thing that seems to like you a whole lot." She didn't laugh, but a smile formed on her lips. "And you're not suffering though this alone, okay?"
"I know."
"I mean, I had a really crazy dream last night even--"
The smile faded quickly, replaced with anxiety. "What?"
"Yeah...it was freaky. Surreal."
The doctor said, "Do you want to share it with us, Elizabeth?"
I decided, 'why not? It's just a dream' and told them. "It was just...creepy. I dreamed about a cottage in the woods that must have belonged to a family. Then it caught fire and burned to the ground, most likely killing everyone. I woke up scared silly."
The doctor nodded his head, a look of puzzlement on his face. "Hm. Odd. But dreams are often like that. Personally it may have just been a simple nightmare, but one would think that there is a deeper meaning. Catherine? What do you think?"
Catherine's eyes grew wide as saucers, her breathing becoming deeper and deeper. "I know that something serious needs to be done."
She got up out of her chair, dragging me along with her. Before leaving the room, she turned and nodded, "Thank you, doctor. I believe I know what I have to do now." Catherine's grip on my wrist grew stronger as she pulled me to the car. I gently pried her fingers off of my small wrist and nearly croaked, "Cathie! Wha-what is going on?!"
It was a question that has long since worn out its welcome. I wondered about her strange behavior and seemed to get an answer that this evil thing wanted her for some bizzare reason. I wanted it gone so that she would stop worrying and being on edge. I wanted it gone for both of our sakes.
She opened the passenger door and looked at me pleadingly, "I have to think about this. Let's go home."
So we did, the whole ride spent in pure silence. Catherine was looking out the window, seemingly mulling over what she and the doctor had talked about and my dream. I wanted to make small talk, but each time a sentence formed in my mind it died in my throat. Sometimes words were not nescessary.
When we arrived home she quietly opened her door, walked around to me and opened mine. "Thanks, love," I murmured. Together we walked to and through the unlocked front door, where Catherine still wore the expression of a person debating what in the name of God to do with their life. I said in the cheeriest voice I could muster, "You want a snack? I think we still have those apple slices left."
I recieved a "Mm-hm." in response. I gave her the the slices of fruit and she chewed them slowly, listlessly. I looked around me for any and all spiders or insects, and should one appear I would be the first to swat it out of the room. "You alright?" I whispered.
"Kind of. I'm just really upset that you dreamed about that. It's not good."
"Why?"
She swallowed heavily, "Because. It might want you, too."
My eyebrows rose, "Me?"
She nodded.
I didn't say anything; I was left completely speechless by this new turn of events. A little bit of fear started to creep inside of me. Were dreams the first sign of things to come? No. No. I won't let this thing have me. I can't let it consume me. Without thinking I said, "Yesterday I woke up with a spider on my face. I don't want to freak you out, but I don't want to keep anything from you. I wacked it off my face and I didn't see it after that." I half expected her to flip the table, but instead sheburied her face in my shoulder. Catherine didn't cry, only let out sad little sighs.
Almost foolishly, I said, "Nothing bad will happen to me, Catherine. We're going to get through this."
She looked up at me with a smile drained of all warmth and said, "I can only hope we will."
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Day After
My heart skipped half a dozen beats when I read it. Instantly I unlocked the door and waited anxiously for her arrival. It only took four and a quarter minutes for Catherine to get there. When I heard the knock and the sound of the door opening, I flew from my seat at the table and nearly barreled her over with the force of my hug.
"How are you feeling? What happened after you left? Are you alright? Did that guy hurt you?" My questions were coming out of my mouth faster than I could process. She regained her balance quickly and responded in a gentle tone, "How about you get me a tall glass of water and I'll explain. I'm so parched."
I went back to the kitchen and gave her said glass of water, placing it on the table where she had just sat. In mere seconds the entire glass was downed, leaving nothing but small droplets at the bottom. Catherine didn't look like she had been tussled by shrubbery or beaten by ill-mannered folk. Her nose was clean of any blood, thank God, and her clothes were without any stains. However tempted I was, I didn't immediately think that all was well and good unless she told me it was.
Sitting down next to her, I said, "I tried calling you after you left, just to make sure you were okay. But you didn't pick up so I assumed that you turned your phone off."
Catherine brow furrowed, getting this 'not again!' look on her face, "What time?"
"I think barely five minutes."
"Yeah, my phone was on."
Damn. I hoped that this wasn't going to become a habit, "What do you think is going on with our phones? They're both top of the line and they have never done this before. Maybe it's bad service or something."
Catherine said, "I don't think it's anything we can help...but let me explain: I went to Dr. Frey's office to see what he thought, but it was closed. Then I went to the school's library to read up on it, but lo and behold those books were gone. After that..." she paused, looked away and chewed her lip. "...I went home. And I guessed I slept, because I can't--"
She stopped herself, as if she never intended on telling me that much. "Nevermind."
"You can't do what, Catherine?" What was she going to tell me?
"I went home and slept." she replied, but I wasn't blind or deaf; I could plainly see that she wasn't telling the whole truth. She had never lied to me before about anything. I wasn't angered, oh no. I was scared. This was so out of character for her. "No, really." I said, "You can tell me what really happened. You know I won't judge."
Catherine looked torn between telling me the truth and fibbing again. "I...don't know how to say it."
"I only remember driving home, and then waking up in my bed." She buried her head in her hands as she tried to recall the day before, "...I left at 2 pm, came back 2:44, and I was on the road at 2:54...and that's it. All I can remember after is opening my eyes in my room and seeing that it was almost noon. I thought about you and I decided to drive over."
The boughts of memory loss were happening again. What happened in those hours that she couldn't seem to remember? It wasn't a whole week like before, but it could soon escalate to that. I couldn't look at this through a logical, scientific way anymore. Something was after Catherine, something that I doubted we could explain. But what was it? Demon? Monster? Spirit? Something else entirely? And what did it want?
I didn't know the answer to any of them.
Suddenly Catherine's attention turned to the floor, staring intently at a big spider that loitered around the feet of her chair. She almost tripped over herself trying to stomp the creature out of existence, but the eight-legged one proved too fast for her; it climbed up the wall and disappeared into a crevice.
I said, "Catherine, it's just an ordinary spider."
"No, it isn't. Not even close. It's a messenger."
Rebecca would have deemed her overly-dramatic, Naomi a bit touched, Florence downright insane and Vivian in dire need of a nap. But all this did was seal the deal that I wouldn't let her out of my sight until this Fear Dubh lost interest or it went away forever. Hopefully it would happen soon.
I tugged on her hand, "Come on, Catherine. Let's get some lunch. The spider will most likely be gone."
She didn't protest the idea. I got her out of my house and into my car, where I drove us to a nice diner. We didn't say much to one another during our meals, though.. It wasn't out of budding contempt, far from it; it was the king of silence where no words were spoken but things were being said. Catherine held my hand almost the entire time.
Florence's words (Maybe she needs to conquer this herself. We can be there for moral support, but this is something she needs to do) still rang in my head. Wasn't I already letting her fight this herself? Should I be there for her more, or less? I couldn't think straight. All I wanted is to keep my Cathie safe from anything and everything that threatened her. And I knew in my heart that she would do the same.
We wrapped up our leftovers and I drove back to my house. My parents welcomed us back, as did my brother, and I told them that Catherine would most likely stay with us for a while. "Just for a few days at most," Catherine added. "I won't take up all your time."
A call was made to the Moores and they approved of the arrangement. I went with Catherine to her house to pick up some extra clothes and some toiletries, double and triple checking that she had eveything she needed. Nothing like finding out mid-shower you left something you had to have back at home.
Luckily for us, the checklist filled up and away we went back to my house for dinner. Mom had made her famous Korean steak recipe; Catherine and I nearly ate five whole helpings. It was more than enough to fill us up and want to skip out on dessert. Both of our classes started early the next day, so we decided that it would be for the best if we both headed to bed.
Catherine slept with me, as she usually did during sleep overs, and we both drifted off in no time.
It was the calm between devistating storms.
"How are you feeling? What happened after you left? Are you alright? Did that guy hurt you?" My questions were coming out of my mouth faster than I could process. She regained her balance quickly and responded in a gentle tone, "How about you get me a tall glass of water and I'll explain. I'm so parched."
I went back to the kitchen and gave her said glass of water, placing it on the table where she had just sat. In mere seconds the entire glass was downed, leaving nothing but small droplets at the bottom. Catherine didn't look like she had been tussled by shrubbery or beaten by ill-mannered folk. Her nose was clean of any blood, thank God, and her clothes were without any stains. However tempted I was, I didn't immediately think that all was well and good unless she told me it was.
Sitting down next to her, I said, "I tried calling you after you left, just to make sure you were okay. But you didn't pick up so I assumed that you turned your phone off."
Catherine brow furrowed, getting this 'not again!' look on her face, "What time?"
"I think barely five minutes."
"Yeah, my phone was on."
Damn. I hoped that this wasn't going to become a habit, "What do you think is going on with our phones? They're both top of the line and they have never done this before. Maybe it's bad service or something."
Catherine said, "I don't think it's anything we can help...but let me explain: I went to Dr. Frey's office to see what he thought, but it was closed. Then I went to the school's library to read up on it, but lo and behold those books were gone. After that..." she paused, looked away and chewed her lip. "...I went home. And I guessed I slept, because I can't--"
She stopped herself, as if she never intended on telling me that much. "Nevermind."
"You can't do what, Catherine?" What was she going to tell me?
"I went home and slept." she replied, but I wasn't blind or deaf; I could plainly see that she wasn't telling the whole truth. She had never lied to me before about anything. I wasn't angered, oh no. I was scared. This was so out of character for her. "No, really." I said, "You can tell me what really happened. You know I won't judge."
Catherine looked torn between telling me the truth and fibbing again. "I...don't know how to say it."
"I only remember driving home, and then waking up in my bed." She buried her head in her hands as she tried to recall the day before, "...I left at 2 pm, came back 2:44, and I was on the road at 2:54...and that's it. All I can remember after is opening my eyes in my room and seeing that it was almost noon. I thought about you and I decided to drive over."
The boughts of memory loss were happening again. What happened in those hours that she couldn't seem to remember? It wasn't a whole week like before, but it could soon escalate to that. I couldn't look at this through a logical, scientific way anymore. Something was after Catherine, something that I doubted we could explain. But what was it? Demon? Monster? Spirit? Something else entirely? And what did it want?
I didn't know the answer to any of them.
Suddenly Catherine's attention turned to the floor, staring intently at a big spider that loitered around the feet of her chair. She almost tripped over herself trying to stomp the creature out of existence, but the eight-legged one proved too fast for her; it climbed up the wall and disappeared into a crevice.
I said, "Catherine, it's just an ordinary spider."
"No, it isn't. Not even close. It's a messenger."
Rebecca would have deemed her overly-dramatic, Naomi a bit touched, Florence downright insane and Vivian in dire need of a nap. But all this did was seal the deal that I wouldn't let her out of my sight until this Fear Dubh lost interest or it went away forever. Hopefully it would happen soon.
I tugged on her hand, "Come on, Catherine. Let's get some lunch. The spider will most likely be gone."
She didn't protest the idea. I got her out of my house and into my car, where I drove us to a nice diner. We didn't say much to one another during our meals, though.. It wasn't out of budding contempt, far from it; it was the king of silence where no words were spoken but things were being said. Catherine held my hand almost the entire time.
Florence's words (Maybe she needs to conquer this herself. We can be there for moral support, but this is something she needs to do) still rang in my head. Wasn't I already letting her fight this herself? Should I be there for her more, or less? I couldn't think straight. All I wanted is to keep my Cathie safe from anything and everything that threatened her. And I knew in my heart that she would do the same.
We wrapped up our leftovers and I drove back to my house. My parents welcomed us back, as did my brother, and I told them that Catherine would most likely stay with us for a while. "Just for a few days at most," Catherine added. "I won't take up all your time."
A call was made to the Moores and they approved of the arrangement. I went with Catherine to her house to pick up some extra clothes and some toiletries, double and triple checking that she had eveything she needed. Nothing like finding out mid-shower you left something you had to have back at home.
Luckily for us, the checklist filled up and away we went back to my house for dinner. Mom had made her famous Korean steak recipe; Catherine and I nearly ate five whole helpings. It was more than enough to fill us up and want to skip out on dessert. Both of our classes started early the next day, so we decided that it would be for the best if we both headed to bed.
Catherine slept with me, as she usually did during sleep overs, and we both drifted off in no time.
It was the calm between devistating storms.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
The Downward Spiral part 3
I tried to text her again to find that, strangely, I couldn't. My phone would lock up and then restart. Whatever this glitch was, it seemed to be hell-bent on making sure that I couldn't call or message. I shut my cell down and then went to sleep. How I even managed to was a mystery to me. My thoughts were filled with my fiance and worried that something bad might have happend or will happen soon.
Morning couldn't have come faster for me. I didn't touch breakfast and the drive over was more like a haze than anything else. Anthropology class, usually fun and exciting for me, seemed to go on forever and a day. The second it ended I bolted out the door and browsed the cafeteria for her. In a corner table, I found Catherine absent-mindedly eating a sandwich. She looked resigned, a bit sad even. I tapped her on the shoulder and she whipped around. She stood up and nearly knocked me over with the strength of her hug.
"Elizabeth, why didn't you answer my texts? I even called you almost forty times." she looked just a tad angry with me, but I could see that she was far more relieved than anything else.
"I could ask you the same thing. I texted you, too. And when did you call me? I never got a voicemail or anything." I pulled out my phone and showed her. Then again, I didn't need to. Catherine would have believed me anyway. She looked at my phone then casually slammed it on the table. "You okay...?" It was a stupid question; no, everything wasn't okay.
"This shit is ending, Elizabeth. It's ending for real this time. I won't let anything happen to you or our friends, or anyone else. I swear to God." She pushed what remained of the sandwich away, picking up her backpack and walking towards and out of the cafeteria door. I followed her outside saying, "Wait, are we in danger?"
Catherine muttered under her breath, "Not if I can help it."
"Weren't you going to tell me more about this thing? If you're planning anything you better count the rest of us in it. I'm not letting you do it alone."
She slowed down enough for me to reach out and grab her gently, forcing her to turn around. I never saw Catherine look so sad in all my life. "Please. Please. I love you too much to see you be this way. There is strength in numbers. All six of us can do something."
"Ellie, let me do this. I know more, and I've seen more. Trust me."
Trust. I had been trusting Catherine my entire life, and never had she let me down. So why was I hesitating this time? Did I trust her? Yes, I did. But I was afraid for her. I pulled her into a hug, not saying anything. I couldn't think of any words that could fit the situation at the time. She whispered, "I won't let this thing go near you. I won't."
Catherine untangled herself from the hug and kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back."
"No. Let me come with you."
"I can't. But in case something happens, just repeat, 'here comes the sun' over and over again. It always works." She sounded like someone going on the mission of a lifetime, not even remotely overdramatic, but very solemn. "Stay safe, I'll be right back. I'll go to your house when I'm done."
I should have followed. I should have grabbed her arm and refused to let go. But I didn't. Why? Why?
I walked back into the cafeteria, completely forgetting that I had abandoned my backpack. Not like I even cared at that point. Immediately I called Catherine's number. Nothing. Not even voicemail. What the hell? Alright. I called Florence, who picked up after three rings. "Yo, I'm working out, girlie. What's up?"
Okay, that worked. "I'm worried about Catherine."
"What's wrong?"
"She is acting strange again. I think that she might have seen that thing again, or it's looking for her."
"No way. Where is she now?"
"...well, she left for her car."
"Okay, stop talking to me and follow her!"
"I don't know why I didn't. Catherine said she didn't want it near me."
"Mother of God, El. Call her now! Call her and ask her what the hell is going on."
"I did. Nothing happened. The call didn't go though."
She sighed loudly. "How? You have the best phone ever. Hers isn't too bad either. I think she might have shut it off. Honestly, and this is just me, maybe she needs to conquer this herself. We can be there for moral support, but this is something she needs to do." A pause; Florence chugged her water bottle. "Just saying."
Rebecca was the one to tell me that there might have been something less than mystical at work. Florence was now telling me that perhaps this was her fight. And maybe, just maybe, Florence was right. Maybe.
"You going to be okay, El?" she said.
"I hope so."
"Stay strong, okay? I know it's hard, but you can do it."
"Thanks, Flo. Talk to you later."
"See ya."
I hung up the phone, walked to my car, and drove home. I told my mother what happened and pretty much bawled my eyes out. I was so worried, and I berated myself for not following her when I could. Thank God for my mom being there when she could. Mothers are the best, they really are.
A day later, after me worrying my head off, I got a text from Catherine: I'll be there in five minutes.
Morning couldn't have come faster for me. I didn't touch breakfast and the drive over was more like a haze than anything else. Anthropology class, usually fun and exciting for me, seemed to go on forever and a day. The second it ended I bolted out the door and browsed the cafeteria for her. In a corner table, I found Catherine absent-mindedly eating a sandwich. She looked resigned, a bit sad even. I tapped her on the shoulder and she whipped around. She stood up and nearly knocked me over with the strength of her hug.
"Elizabeth, why didn't you answer my texts? I even called you almost forty times." she looked just a tad angry with me, but I could see that she was far more relieved than anything else.
"I could ask you the same thing. I texted you, too. And when did you call me? I never got a voicemail or anything." I pulled out my phone and showed her. Then again, I didn't need to. Catherine would have believed me anyway. She looked at my phone then casually slammed it on the table. "You okay...?" It was a stupid question; no, everything wasn't okay.
"This shit is ending, Elizabeth. It's ending for real this time. I won't let anything happen to you or our friends, or anyone else. I swear to God." She pushed what remained of the sandwich away, picking up her backpack and walking towards and out of the cafeteria door. I followed her outside saying, "Wait, are we in danger?"
Catherine muttered under her breath, "Not if I can help it."
"Weren't you going to tell me more about this thing? If you're planning anything you better count the rest of us in it. I'm not letting you do it alone."
She slowed down enough for me to reach out and grab her gently, forcing her to turn around. I never saw Catherine look so sad in all my life. "Please. Please. I love you too much to see you be this way. There is strength in numbers. All six of us can do something."
"Ellie, let me do this. I know more, and I've seen more. Trust me."
Trust. I had been trusting Catherine my entire life, and never had she let me down. So why was I hesitating this time? Did I trust her? Yes, I did. But I was afraid for her. I pulled her into a hug, not saying anything. I couldn't think of any words that could fit the situation at the time. She whispered, "I won't let this thing go near you. I won't."
Catherine untangled herself from the hug and kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back."
"No. Let me come with you."
"I can't. But in case something happens, just repeat, 'here comes the sun' over and over again. It always works." She sounded like someone going on the mission of a lifetime, not even remotely overdramatic, but very solemn. "Stay safe, I'll be right back. I'll go to your house when I'm done."
I should have followed. I should have grabbed her arm and refused to let go. But I didn't. Why? Why?
I walked back into the cafeteria, completely forgetting that I had abandoned my backpack. Not like I even cared at that point. Immediately I called Catherine's number. Nothing. Not even voicemail. What the hell? Alright. I called Florence, who picked up after three rings. "Yo, I'm working out, girlie. What's up?"
Okay, that worked. "I'm worried about Catherine."
"What's wrong?"
"She is acting strange again. I think that she might have seen that thing again, or it's looking for her."
"No way. Where is she now?"
"...well, she left for her car."
"Okay, stop talking to me and follow her!"
"I don't know why I didn't. Catherine said she didn't want it near me."
"Mother of God, El. Call her now! Call her and ask her what the hell is going on."
"I did. Nothing happened. The call didn't go though."
She sighed loudly. "How? You have the best phone ever. Hers isn't too bad either. I think she might have shut it off. Honestly, and this is just me, maybe she needs to conquer this herself. We can be there for moral support, but this is something she needs to do." A pause; Florence chugged her water bottle. "Just saying."
Rebecca was the one to tell me that there might have been something less than mystical at work. Florence was now telling me that perhaps this was her fight. And maybe, just maybe, Florence was right. Maybe.
"You going to be okay, El?" she said.
"I hope so."
"Stay strong, okay? I know it's hard, but you can do it."
"Thanks, Flo. Talk to you later."
"See ya."
I hung up the phone, walked to my car, and drove home. I told my mother what happened and pretty much bawled my eyes out. I was so worried, and I berated myself for not following her when I could. Thank God for my mom being there when she could. Mothers are the best, they really are.
A day later, after me worrying my head off, I got a text from Catherine: I'll be there in five minutes.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
The Downward Spiral part 2
We met at the cafe at 1 pm without any alarming incidents. A nice waitress sat us down at a table near the window, to which Catherine politely asked that we be moved farther back. She told me that the sun was too bright for her. I had no problems with this, but I was wondering what she was thinking about.
I drank a pumpkin chai latte, both palms on the forest green mug, and she a tall glass of caramel flavored milk. Our conversation for the most part was unremarkable, talking about school, friends, family, cracking jokes at the terrible parking lots out college had.
The fruit and nut salad I ate there was perfect beyond all perfection, if that is even possible. I offered Cathie a forkful, but she declined, so invested in her grilled cheese and tomato soup was she. It was only after we had paid the check and started to walk around the busy sidewalks that the conversation started to get strange.
I asked, "Did you sleep alright? No crazy dreams this time around?"
"No, thank God. I had a good night's rest."
"No creepy guys staring at you while you sleep?"
"Nope. Didn't see that guy."
"Still writing in the diary?"
"Yep."
It was starting to be pretty obvious that she was getting uncomfortable. So moistening my lips, I said, "I am so happy that you're feeling better, though. I'm glad you aren't coughing as much as you used to, and that you're doing well in your classes. No matter what, I'm here for you."
Catherine smiled, "I know that, Elizabeth. I just don't like talking about this thing. Just thinking about it creeps me out."
And for a while, the subject was dropped. We went into a candy store and bought an large assortment of sweets to nibble on. By the time we had our fill of the downtown, the sun had started to set. Catherine's body language betrayed a bit of nervousness at the coming darkness, so I had decided that it would be for the best to call it a day and head home.
Walking back to the lot in which our cars patiently waited, I said, "I think I saw that thing you were talking about the night we had our dinner. It was just standing there outside my house all creepy like, not really doing anything."
Here Catherine stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide. It was if I told her that I was dying of some incurable malady and had nine months left to live. "Are you serious, Elizabeth? You saw that?"
Yeah, I did." I said quietly. "I haven't seen it since, and it was probably a trick of the light, anyway."
"It wasn't." Catherine's voice was so steely and cold. I never heard her sound like that in all the years I have known her, and to be honest, it scared me a bit. "It wasn't at all."
"Then...?" I started to say. She grabbed my hand and began to drag me to my car, looking over her shoulder and around us in a frantic, paranoid manner. It was as if she believed the entire street had ears and eyes and would turn on us at any moment.
Catherine opened the car door for me and pushed me in, looking to her left and then her right. "Listen to me Elizabeth: go now, and don't stop for anyone. At any chance you get, you have to text me. At each stoplight, at each stop sign, until you get to you house. And then you have to call me. Hopefully then we can talk about it."
She hugged me tightly, kissed me as if she didn't want to ever stop, then walked quickly away to her own car. I watched her until I felt the urge to get out of the lot, at which point a strange loneliness swept over me. I drove back in silence, not even touching the radio. I texted her at each stoplight and stop sign, telling her that I'm still fine, that I am worrying again, and that I will call her when I was at home.
I did not receive any texts back the entire time. I kept sending them, praying that Catherine would reply. I couldn't have gotten home fast enough; the second I walked through the door I whipped out my phone and dialed her number.
It went straight to voicemail. My heart skipped a few beats, and the voice that said things were getting bad again got louder. No texts, no calls. Was she truly okay?
Hours later, I finally received all eighteen of her messages. What puzzled me was that they were all sent at the same time I was sending her texts. They stopped at the time I got home. My phone must have glitched or something, but it had never done that before.
I drank a pumpkin chai latte, both palms on the forest green mug, and she a tall glass of caramel flavored milk. Our conversation for the most part was unremarkable, talking about school, friends, family, cracking jokes at the terrible parking lots out college had.
The fruit and nut salad I ate there was perfect beyond all perfection, if that is even possible. I offered Cathie a forkful, but she declined, so invested in her grilled cheese and tomato soup was she. It was only after we had paid the check and started to walk around the busy sidewalks that the conversation started to get strange.
I asked, "Did you sleep alright? No crazy dreams this time around?"
"No, thank God. I had a good night's rest."
"No creepy guys staring at you while you sleep?"
"Nope. Didn't see that guy."
"Still writing in the diary?"
"Yep."
It was starting to be pretty obvious that she was getting uncomfortable. So moistening my lips, I said, "I am so happy that you're feeling better, though. I'm glad you aren't coughing as much as you used to, and that you're doing well in your classes. No matter what, I'm here for you."
Catherine smiled, "I know that, Elizabeth. I just don't like talking about this thing. Just thinking about it creeps me out."
And for a while, the subject was dropped. We went into a candy store and bought an large assortment of sweets to nibble on. By the time we had our fill of the downtown, the sun had started to set. Catherine's body language betrayed a bit of nervousness at the coming darkness, so I had decided that it would be for the best to call it a day and head home.
Walking back to the lot in which our cars patiently waited, I said, "I think I saw that thing you were talking about the night we had our dinner. It was just standing there outside my house all creepy like, not really doing anything."
Here Catherine stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide. It was if I told her that I was dying of some incurable malady and had nine months left to live. "Are you serious, Elizabeth? You saw that?"
Yeah, I did." I said quietly. "I haven't seen it since, and it was probably a trick of the light, anyway."
"It wasn't." Catherine's voice was so steely and cold. I never heard her sound like that in all the years I have known her, and to be honest, it scared me a bit. "It wasn't at all."
"Then...?" I started to say. She grabbed my hand and began to drag me to my car, looking over her shoulder and around us in a frantic, paranoid manner. It was as if she believed the entire street had ears and eyes and would turn on us at any moment.
Catherine opened the car door for me and pushed me in, looking to her left and then her right. "Listen to me Elizabeth: go now, and don't stop for anyone. At any chance you get, you have to text me. At each stoplight, at each stop sign, until you get to you house. And then you have to call me. Hopefully then we can talk about it."
She hugged me tightly, kissed me as if she didn't want to ever stop, then walked quickly away to her own car. I watched her until I felt the urge to get out of the lot, at which point a strange loneliness swept over me. I drove back in silence, not even touching the radio. I texted her at each stoplight and stop sign, telling her that I'm still fine, that I am worrying again, and that I will call her when I was at home.
I did not receive any texts back the entire time. I kept sending them, praying that Catherine would reply. I couldn't have gotten home fast enough; the second I walked through the door I whipped out my phone and dialed her number.
It went straight to voicemail. My heart skipped a few beats, and the voice that said things were getting bad again got louder. No texts, no calls. Was she truly okay?
Hours later, I finally received all eighteen of her messages. What puzzled me was that they were all sent at the same time I was sending her texts. They stopped at the time I got home. My phone must have glitched or something, but it had never done that before.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sandy
Just wanted to make sure that anyone and everyone living on the East Coast is doing all right. I currently have power thanks to that generator, and my family and friends are safe. It's worse than Irene, no doubt about that, and from what I hear it might take even longer to get everything back up and running. My college is cancelled for the entire week due to the roads being a mess and the generators there breaking. I saw how Atlantic City and many places closer to the shore got completely totalled, and my prayers go out for those who live there.
The weirdest thing is that many images of the storm's aftermath in the more damanged areas look far too similar to what Catherine drew.
The weirdest thing is that many images of the storm's aftermath in the more damanged areas look far too similar to what Catherine drew.
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