Thanks for Giving

Sorry that I haven't gotten the video up yet. Something is wrong with it and it's fighting me tooth and nail. I won't do what I want it to do and it was going crazy at some points...really crazy.

But in any case, I'll try to get it up. I want to film some more, but hopefully around less woods and more people. I went to Dr. Frey's office on Tuesday for a session with him and met his two daughters. Holy crap, what sweethearts! Justine and Juliette are so kind and so wonderful that I felt safe with them. I would have opened up to them if I could, but their pleased father ushered me into his office.

"How are you, Elizabeth?" he asked, "And I mean it. How are you?"

My voice was tight, "Not good. I've just been so utterly stressed and sad that it's overwhelming. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind for a while now. It's just eating me alive."

"The last we spoke you were raving about a Tall Man, and I have to admit, in my desperation I acted very well out of line. I hope you can forgive my slip up."

"It's not a problem. I understand."

"Good, good. But you were talking about the black thing that Catherine 'saw' a while back. Have you been seeing it at all recently?" he leaned forward and I shook my head.

I shifted in my chair and said, "No, I haven't. But something strange happened when I was taking a walk...on Catherine's birthday. I had a breakdown and asked her to forgive me for not acting sooner and stuff. Then I, ah, walked some more and saw this robin, this poor thing was on this rock altar all bloodied and surrounded by glass and mirror shards. It was just--I can't describe how creeped out I was."

Dr. Frey blanched at the description, "What in Heaven's name was that all about? Who would do something like that, in a park trail no less where children might see? It seems just...too strange."

"I know, right? But I kept walking, and I felt this sense of being unwelcome, like I had just walked into someone's home uninvited and just wandered around the place. It got so bad I just ran out of there. And would you believe the whole park was empty? It was still kind of early, so it was so strange. I had my camera with me and, well, I heard the sound of people whispering to one another. I couldn't get out much of what they were saying, though."

The doctor collected himself and nodded, "Elizabeth, it was good of you to get out and take a walk. I commend you for doing something to improve yourself. However, after thinking about it, maybe the bird was a prop and the blood was fake? Many teenagers find humor in shocking others. The talking was either some mild auditory hallucination or even people who hid out of sight."

"But I didn't see anyone. And--and there was distortion on my camera when those things happened. "

He wiped his glasses on his sleeve, and returned them to their casing. "It's called a coincidence, Elizabeth. Please understand that you might be overanalyzing things due to Catherine's death. She saw and heard something that didn't exist, so you are inappropriately hyper vigilant for anything that resembles it, if only to tell yourself that Catherine didn't have an illness that needed to be treated. You aren't honoring her memory by doing this, Elizabeth. Focus on her, on her life with you, and don't be afraid to find the strength to move on."

As I listened to him I bowed my head and stared at my sneakers, tears forming in my eyes. Before I even knew it I covered my face in my hands and cried.

"I want her back! I want my Catherine back!" I wailed.

Dr. Frey got out of his chair and rubbed my back, soothing me and handing me tissue after tissue. I don't remember what he said, I was crying to loud to hear properly, but I appreciated every single word. I wish I could say I felt a gigantic weight lift off of me, but I did feel small pieces of it come off. Baby steps.

I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, admittedly very loudly. "I think that's enough for today, Elizabeth." he said in a calm tone. "How about we continue a few weeks from now, is that alright? I know you're in school so I want to make sure that an appointment doesn't conflict with your schedule."

I mumbled that it would be good and made an appointment.As I walked out Juliette and Justine were there, hugging me and asking what was wrong. I damn near almost cried again from just how caring they were. I said my goodbyes and walked back to my car, feeling better but not completely well.

I'm going to get there.

[EDIT: the final time I tried to edit the video something bizarre happened: during the last frames I heard something I didn't before: low, dark laughter. After that the video just...suddenly deleted itself. I have no idea what that was or if I'm going crazy. Hopefully I can do more videos without insane stuff going on. Preferably not around woods.)