Three Women

Here is the video that I promised to put out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL_OotuunU8

The women that I saw were very strange and very quiet. They didn't say a word or interact with anyone, but I did see them smirk a few times.

It seemed that my girls and I were the only ones who noticed them. Florence said that she should've gone and talked to them, if only to find out what their deal was. I wanted to, as well, but I just didn't have the energy to do much of anything but mourn.

Update

It's been almost a full week since the wake and funeral, and I haven't been doing too well. I've been in a nigh catatonic state, depressed beyond belief and even thought of suicide.

However, I just can't find it in me to actually do it. I have family and friends who are still alive and still love me, and it would kill them if I died as well.

The Moores are absolutely devastated. Those poor people, to lose their only child like that. Their eyes were so dead and empty, they barely registered any emotion at all other than sadness. And there isn't much I can do to comfort them.

I did record myself after I returned home, and I will put it up soon. I've just been trying to find my footing again

Arizona

A part of me doesn't want to do this. A part of me doesn't even want to repeat what I know, just because it is so wrong.

But you've all been there for me, so I suppose I owe you this.

These cross-country explorers found her in the long abandoned Seneca Lake Trading Post. According to them, they were going in to take some pictures and film silly stuff when they were overcome by the stench of death. One of the braver members of the group went into the dining hall and found my Catherine, face up in an ocean of blood. After calming down they called the police, who sealed off the area and then called Mrs. Moore. The explorer crew admitted to the police that they had taken pictures out of sick curiosity; obviously the cops told them to hand the pictures over once they were developed.

I'm not sure if I want to see them.

What was truly disturbing were how she died: the police say that Catherine had slit her own throat with a seven inch blade, which killed her within mere seconds. But there was one other wound: a deep and long cut across her stomach, so much so that someone was able to reach into her body and mess around with her organs. Surprisingly and unsettlingly, not a single one was missing. To add salt to the wound her precious engagement ring was gone.

Just writing that made me physically ill. Who would do that to someone as sweet as Catherine?

The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. Maybe I will compose myself just enough to make a video, but no promises.

Announcement

On July 7,  Mrs. Moore called to tell me the news I had been dreading to hear: Catherine had been found dead across the country in Arizona. Though she didn't give me the exact length of time she had been lying dead there, Mrs. Moore did say that it had been a while. I broke down then and there, throwing the phone and screaming myself hoarse.

I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my twin flame, my fiancée. I lost someone I will never get back. I lost a piece of myself. Mrs. Moore also had to call the rest of my friends, and it's been a spiraling nightmare.

I don't know if I want to go into detail as who how she died...it's quite brutal. Maybe when the news has processed I will share it, but the police believe that it was a suicide.

The wake and funeral will be in a few days, but the police still have no leads as to what lead up to her death.

I also decided to use YouTube as a way of talking to you all, in memory of our original plan. Thank you all for reading this blog, though I might still have use for it, I suppose.

The first video is found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmJePR5i9Gs&feature=youtu.be

 

Anxiety

I had a severe anxiety attack on June 11, the day Catherine and I were to be married a year ago. I didn't have to go to the hospital or anything, but it was like nothing I've ever had before. I was just sitting on my bed when suddenly I couldn't breath. My entire body as shaking and I felt like I was going to collapse. There was this weird feeling of being overheated and frozen at the same time.

It lasted for nine minutes, which to me felt like a never ending hell. After I finally calmed down I got myself a glass of water and listened to some soothing music, which helped a ton. Even though it was three days ago, it still haunts me. I honestly felt like I was going to die.

Happy Birthday, Vivian!

Hey, girl! I hope that you liked the new CDs we all got you. We all pitched it to get your favorites. And we loved the mix tape you made. You're going places!

I didn't update for my birthday due to the fact that nothing of note happened. I hung out with my girls and did the usual birthday stuff. It was fun. The feeling that I spoke about before didn't quite go away, but it has ebbed. I haven't been updating because I feel I have said everything about this subject as I can.

One thing that really spooked me, though, was on May 19. I was sitting on a park bench, just playing with my phone, when I got this terrible sensation of dread and sorrow. I nearly had a mental breakdown right there. The feeling was just so overwhelming that I had to find a secluded space to get it all out.

Never in my entire life have I felt that...well, that god-awful. It nearly took me an hour to calm down. What's weird is that I was thinking about Catherine all day, and then that just hit me out of nowhere. Even though I want to brush it off as nerves or whatever, nothing about it felt normal.

1 Year Anniversary

One year ago I started this blog to get my story out there, to see if Catherine would see it and come back. I'm no closer to the truth. The cops aren't, we aren't. Yet I get this strange, ominous feeling of doom, and I can't explain it. It's like that feeling you get on a cold, winter night, when the chill is getting into your bones and the wind is outside rustling the bare tree branches.

I haven't had any dreams at all. Strange.

Something is coming.