Announcement

On July 7,  Mrs. Moore called to tell me the news I had been dreading to hear: Catherine had been found dead across the country in Arizona. Though she didn't give me the exact length of time she had been lying dead there, Mrs. Moore did say that it had been a while. I broke down then and there, throwing the phone and screaming myself hoarse.

I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my twin flame, my fiancée. I lost someone I will never get back. I lost a piece of myself. Mrs. Moore also had to call the rest of my friends, and it's been a spiraling nightmare.

I don't know if I want to go into detail as who how she died...it's quite brutal. Maybe when the news has processed I will share it, but the police believe that it was a suicide.

The wake and funeral will be in a few days, but the police still have no leads as to what lead up to her death.

I also decided to use YouTube as a way of talking to you all, in memory of our original plan. Thank you all for reading this blog, though I might still have use for it, I suppose.

The first video is found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmJePR5i9Gs&feature=youtu.be

 

Anxiety

I had a severe anxiety attack on June 11, the day Catherine and I were to be married a year ago. I didn't have to go to the hospital or anything, but it was like nothing I've ever had before. I was just sitting on my bed when suddenly I couldn't breath. My entire body as shaking and I felt like I was going to collapse. There was this weird feeling of being overheated and frozen at the same time.

It lasted for nine minutes, which to me felt like a never ending hell. After I finally calmed down I got myself a glass of water and listened to some soothing music, which helped a ton. Even though it was three days ago, it still haunts me. I honestly felt like I was going to die.

Happy Birthday, Vivian!

Hey, girl! I hope that you liked the new CDs we all got you. We all pitched it to get your favorites. And we loved the mix tape you made. You're going places!

I didn't update for my birthday due to the fact that nothing of note happened. I hung out with my girls and did the usual birthday stuff. It was fun. The feeling that I spoke about before didn't quite go away, but it has ebbed. I haven't been updating because I feel I have said everything about this subject as I can.

One thing that really spooked me, though, was on May 19. I was sitting on a park bench, just playing with my phone, when I got this terrible sensation of dread and sorrow. I nearly had a mental breakdown right there. The feeling was just so overwhelming that I had to find a secluded space to get it all out.

Never in my entire life have I felt that...well, that god-awful. It nearly took me an hour to calm down. What's weird is that I was thinking about Catherine all day, and then that just hit me out of nowhere. Even though I want to brush it off as nerves or whatever, nothing about it felt normal.

1 Year Anniversary

One year ago I started this blog to get my story out there, to see if Catherine would see it and come back. I'm no closer to the truth. The cops aren't, we aren't. Yet I get this strange, ominous feeling of doom, and I can't explain it. It's like that feeling you get on a cold, winter night, when the chill is getting into your bones and the wind is outside rustling the bare tree branches.

I haven't had any dreams at all. Strange.

Something is coming.

Happy Birthday, Florence!

Breaking my silence to wish Florence a happy 23rd birthday. She's going to go places, that girl. With her mind and willpower she could take over the corporate world overnight, even. I hope that you will enjoy your birthday and the new comic books we all got you! We remembered not to get any Spider-Man for you this time...you still haven't forgiven One More Day, and we respect that.

Wrap Up

So here I am, almost two years later, with no word from Catherine or about her. No amount of searching and looking and tracking down any and all leads that eventually lead to nowhere is helping. The police are trying, that I know, but they can only try for so long with no results before it becomes a cold case. The chance that we see her alive again gets dimmer and dimmer with each passing day. But I never lose hope. I don't know if that makes me optimistic or stupid. Maybe both.

I still go to the Moore's house when I can to just talk with them. I can see just how hard this is on them; they, like me, still cling to the hope that she's out there, wanting to come home.

It doesn't get better, or easier, or anything that someone could bear for a long time. I feel so lonely without my better hald. Without the help of my dearest family and friends, I most likely would have spiraled into a suicidal depression. And girls? Thank you so much for telling to go write about my feelings. I love you all.

I don't know what I'm going to do with this blog, since I feel that I have gotten everything I could out to the world. I might update sporatically if anything comes up.

I will always love you, Catherine. We always will.

Happy Birthday, Naomi!

Happy birthday, girlie. I hope that the tea collection we gave you was just want you wanted for your 23rd birthday. That sushi restaurant you picked ouy was amazing! I can see why you go there almost all the time. Here's to a happy year for you, girlie.