Realizations

So as you can see, my schooling and life was ordinary, nothing exceptional. Elementary school was very good, full of fun activities and teachers that were enthusiastic about teaching. Middle school was also very good. A few pitfalls here and there, but nothing I couldn't pick myself up from.

By the time I reached middle school I knew for a fact that I was different. I never found myself attracted to any boys, and most of my time was spent with my friends. Friday and Saturday nights were typically either me studying or hanging out with my friends. I didn't mind; honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. That's not to say I wasn't asked out by some of my male friends. I politely declined all of them.

The moment of truth came after a study session with me and Catherine. For a while I had a crush on her, but I didn't know if she would reciprocate. If she didn't, then I was more than content to stay her friend. I never heard her remark about boys, or even other girls for that matter.
Were were on the couch, holding hands and watching a movie. It was a film adaptation of a short horror novella, the name if which I can't remember. At some point during the movie, we turned to each other and...well, we kissed. After the first time, we kissed often throughout the movie. After she left to go home, I realized that I was indeed a lesbian. I knew that it wasn't fleeing; it was here to stay. It was who I was.

The first people I told were my friends, who were completely supportive of me. Vivian told me to go pursue my feelings and not hold back, even for a moment.

However, I waited a bit to tell my parents. I knew that they would've probably told me that I was too young to think like that. I was only 13-14 years old at the time. That reaction was completely understandable.

And when I finally did tell them? They were so chill and so accepting. No judgement, no shaming. Just accepting me for who I was. Even my little brother Tommy didn't give me any hell. He just hugged me and said that it was okay. I was so happy. Catherine's mother and father already knew, and had long accepted her as well. So luckily for us, there was no drama. Well, except for my grandmother on my dad's side. She said that I was going to hell if I didn't change my ways. It wasn't until I started college that she relented. I still don't think she likes me, though.

Catherine and I talked for a long time about our feelings, and the summer was filled with us hanging out, almost always together. Were weren't 'dating' in the traditional sense just yet. Come to think of it, I don't know why we waited so long. We both knew what we wanted, but maybe it was just us celebrating our final summer as only 'best friends'. But come 9th grade, Catherine and I were officially official.

Just talking about this makes me cry. I miss her so badly. I wish I could've done something. But now, I think it's just too late.